"If you had been a boy, I might have made you useful to me sooner or
later," the Captain said to his daughter when he found himself alone
with her late on the night of her return; "but what on earth am I to do
with a daughter, in the unsettled life I lead? However, since that old
harridan has sent you back, you must manage in the best way you can,"
concluded Captain Paget with a discontented sigh.
From this time Diana Paget had inhabited the nest of the vultures, and
every day had brought its new lesson of trickery and falsehood. There
are men--and bad men too--who would have tried to keep the secret of
their shifts and meannesses hidden from an only child; but Horatio
Paget believed himself the victim of man's ingratitude, and his
misdoings the necessity of an evil destiny. It is not easy for the
unsophisticated intellect to gauge those moral depths to which the man
who lives by his wits must sink before his career is finished, or to
understand how, with every step in the swindler's downward road, the
conscience grows tougher, the perception of shame blunter, the savage
selfishness of the animal nature stronger. Diana Paget had discovered
some of her father's weaknesses during her miserable childhood; and in
the days of her unpaid-for schooling she had known that his most solemn
promises were no more to be relied on than the capricious breath of a
summer breeze. So the revelations which awaited her under the paternal
roof were not utterly strange or entirely unexpected. Day by day she
grew more accustomed to that atmosphere of fraud and falsehood. The
sense of shame never left her; for there is a pride that thrives amidst
poverty and degradation, and of such pride Diana Paget possessed no
small share. She writhed under the consciousness that she was the
daughter of a man who had forfeited all right to the esteem of his
fellow-men. She valued the good opinion of others, and would fain have
been beloved and admired, trusted and respected; for she was ambitious:
and the though that she might one day do something which should lift
her above the vulgar level was the day-dream that had consoled her in
many an hour of humiliation and discomfort. Diana Paget felt the
Captain's shame as keenly as her mother had felt it; but the remorse
which had agonised gentle Mary Anne, the tender compassion for others
which had wrung that fond and faithful heart, had no place in the
breast of the Captain's daughter.
Diana felt so much compassion for herself, that she had none left to
bestow upon other people. Her father's victims might be miserable, but
was not she infinitely more wretched? The landlady who found her
apartments suddenly tenantless and her rent unpaid might complain of
the hardness of her fortune; but was it not harder for Diana, with the
sensitive feelings and keen pride of the Pagets, to endure all the
degradation involved in the stealthy carrying away of luggage and a
secret departure under cover of night?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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