(_While McDonald and Pitts-Stevens modestly turn their backs, the latter blushing a delicate shrimp-pink, St. John and Mrs. Hayes effect an exchange of immortal parts. When the transfer is complete McDonald turns and advances, uncorking a bottle of Vinegar Bitters_.) MCDONALD (_chanting_): Nectar compounded of simples Cocted in Stygian shades-- Acids of wrinkles and pimples From faces of ancient maids-- Acrid precipitates sunken From tempers of scolding wives Whose husbands, uncommonly drunken, Are commonly found in dives,-- With this I baptize and appoint thee (_to St. John_.) To marshal the vinophobe ranks. In the name of Dambosh I anoint thee (_pours the liquid down St. John's back_.) As King of aquatical cranks! (_The liquid blisters the royal back, and His Majesty starts on a dead run, energetically exclaiming. Exit St. John_.) MRS. HAYES: My soul! My soul! I'll never get it back Unless I follow nimbly on his track. (_Exit Mrs. Hayes_.) PITTS-STEVENS: O my! he's such a beautiful young man! I'll follow, too, and catch him if I can. (_Exit Pitts-Stevens_.) MCDONALD: He scarce is visible, his dust so great! Methinks for so obscure a candidate He runs quite well. But as for Prohibition-- I mean myself to hold the first position. (_Produces a pocket flask, topes a cruel quantity of double-distilled thunder-and-lightning out of it, smiles so grimly as to darken all the stage and sings_): Though fortunes vary let all be merry, And then if e'er a disaster befall, At Styx's ferry is Charon's wherry In easy call. Upon a ripple of golden tipple That tipsy ship'll convey you best. To king and cripple, the bottle's the nipple Of Nature's breast! (_Curtain_.) SLICKENS DRAMATIS PERSONÆ. HAYSEED _a Granger_ NOZZLE _a Miner_ RINGDIVVY _a Statesman_ FEEGOBBLE _a Lawyer_ JUNKET _a Committee_ _Scene_--Yuba Dam. _Feegobble, Ringdivvy, Nozzle_. NOZZLE: My friends, since '51 I have pursued The evil tenor of my watery way, Removing hills as by an act of faith-- RINGDIVVY: Just so; the steadfast faith of those who hold, In foreign lands beyond the Eastern sea, The shares in your concern--a simple, blind, Unreasoning belief in dividends, Still stimulated by assessments which, When the skies fall, ensnaring all the larks, Will bring, no doubt, a very great return. ALL (_singing_): O the beautiful assessment, The exquisite assessment, The regular assessment, That makes the water flow. RINGDIVVY: The rascally-assessment! FEEGOBBLE: