Families -- Fiction; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
“Before God, I love you, Yvonne. I implore you to think nothing of my
maunderings in sleep. They--they may come from a disordered brain. God
knows there was a time when I felt that I was mad, raving mad. These
dreams are----”
To his surprise she laid her hand gently on his arm.
“I pity you sometimes, James. My heart aches for you. You are a man--a
strong, brave man, and yet you shrink and cringe when a voice whispers
to you in the night. You sleep with your doubts awake. Yes, yes, I
believe you when you say that you love me. I am sure that you do; but
let me tell you what it is that I have divined. It is Matilde that you
are loving through me. When you kiss me there is in the back of your
mind somewhere the thought of kisses that were given long ago. When you
hold me close to you it is the body of Matilde that you feel, it is her
breath that warms your cheeks. I am Matilde, not Yvonne, to you. I am
the flesh on which that starved love of yours feeds; I represent the
memory of all that you have lost; I am the bodily instrument.”
“This is--madness!” he exclaimed, and it was not only wonder that filled
his eyes. There was a strange fear in them, too.
“I do not expect you to admit that all this is true, James,” she went
on patiently. “You will confess one day that I am right, however; to
yourself, if not to me. If the time should ever come when I give to you
a child------” She shivered and turned her eyes away from his.
He laid an unsteady hand upon the dark head. “There, there,” he murmured
brokenly.
“It would be Matilde's child to you,” she concluded, facing him again
without so much as a quaver in her voice, she spoke calmly, as if the
statement were the most commonplace remark in the world.
“Good Heaven, Yvonne!” he exclaimed, drawing back in utter dismay. “You
must compose yourself. This is------”
“I am quite myself, James,” she said coolly. “Can you deny that you
think of her when you hold me in your arms? Can you------”
“Yes!” he almost shouted. “I can and do deny!”
“Then you are lying to yourself, my husband,” she said quietly.
He fairly gasped.
“Good God! What manner of woman are you?” he cried hoarsely. “A
sorceress? A--but no, it is not true!”
She smiled. “All women are sorceresses. They feel. Men only think. Poor
Frederic! You try to hate him, James, but I have watched you when you
were not aware. You search his face intently, almost in agony--for
what? For the look that was his mother's--for the expression you loved
in------”
He burst out violently.
“No! By Heaven, you are wrong there! I am not looking for Matilde in
Frederic's face.”
“For his father, then?” she inquired slowly.
The perspiration stood out on his brow. He made no response. His lips
were compressed.
“You have uttered her name at last,” she said wonderingly, after a long
wait for him to speak.
Brood started. “I--I--oh, this is torture!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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