"Am I? Tell me that a year hence--if you marry her."
"If? I'd tear the artist in me out by the roots before I'd give her
up."
"You think so. I don't doubt it. But have you really projected your
imagination into the future? I mean beyond the honeymoon? She tells
me that she intends to live in Europe--that she has a great work to
accomplish----"
"Yes, and she needs my help."
"She doesn't need your help, nor anybody's help. For that matter she'd
be better off alone, for I don't doubt she would be in love with you
longer than might be convenient. She has formidable powers of
concentration. . . . But you--what would become of your own career?
You'd be absorbed, devoured, annihilated by that woman. You're no
weakling, but you're an artist and an artist's strength is not like the
ordinary male's. It's too messed up with temperament and imagination.
You are strong enough to impress your personality on her, win her, make
her love you to the exclusion of everything else for the moment, and
possibly hold her for a time. But you never could dominate her. What
she needs is a statesman, if she must have marital partnership at all.
Possibly not even a great executive brain could dominate her either,
but at least it could force upon her a certain equality in personality,
and that you never could do. Not only would your own career be
wrecked, but you'd end by being wretched and resentful--quite apart
from your forfeited right to express your genius in your own
way--because you've been accustomed all your life yourself to the
dominating act. You've always been a star of some sort, and you've
never discouraged yourself--except when in the dumps--out of the belief
that a fixed position was waiting for you in the stellar firmament. To
vary the metaphor, you've always been in the crack regiment, even when
the regiment was composed of cub reporters. . . . And you'd find
yourself shrinking--shrinking--nothing but a famous woman's
husband--lover, would be perhaps more like it----"
Here Clavering swore and started down the room again. That interview
in the library two weeks ago tonight came back to him. He had banished
its memory and she had been feminine and exquisite, and _young_, ever
since. But that sudden vision of her standing by the table as he had
rushed to her succor, calm and contemptuous in her indomitable powers,
weakened his muscles and he walked unsteadily.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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