"And all the rest of it," said I; "black-legs innumerable, and no end of scrapes in the green-room. Things have come to such a pass that his father, the Duke, insists on his being kept out of the way at present; and, as taking him to Paris would only make matters worse, it occurred to me that I might locate him for a time in some quiet but cheerful establishment, where he could have his reasonable swing, and no questions asked." "Dr Hiram Smith!" cried Hyams with enthusiasm, "you're a regular trump! I wish all the noblemen in England would look out for tutors like you." "You are exceedingly complimentary, Mr Hyams. And now that you know my errand, may I ask what the Agapedome is?" "The Home of Love," replied Hyams; "at least so I was told by the Oxford gent, to whom I gave half-a-guinea for the title." "And your object?" "A pleasant retreat--comfortable home--no sort of bother of ceremony--innocent attachments encouraged--and, in the general case, community of goods." "Of which latter, I presume, Mr Hyams is the sole administrator?" "Right again, Doctor!" said Hyams with a leer of intelligence; "no use beating about the bush with you, I perceive. A single cashier for the whole concern saves a world of unnecessary trouble. Then, you see, we have our little matrimonial arrangements. A young lady in search of an eligible domicile comes here and deposits her fortune. We provide her by-and-by with a husband of suitable tastes, so that all matters are arranged comfortably. No luxury or enjoyment is denied to the inmates of the establishment, which may be compared, in short, to a perfect aviary, in which you hear nothing from morning to evening save one continuous sound of billing and cooing." "You draw a fascinating picture, Mr Hyams," said I: "too fascinating, in fact; for, after what you have said, I doubt whether I should be fulfilling my duty to my noble patron the Duke, were I to expose his heir to the influence of such powerful temptations." "Don't be in the least degree alarmed about that," said Hyams. "I shall take care that in this case there is no chance of marriage. Harkye, Doctor, it is rather against our rules to admit parlour boarders; but I don't mind doing it in this case, if you agree to my terms, which are one hundred and twenty guineas per month." "On the part of the Duke," said I, "I anticipate no objection; nor shall I refuse your stamped receipts at that rate. But as I happen to be paymaster, I shall certainly not give you in exchange for each of them more than seventy guineas, which will leave you a very pretty profit over and above your expenses." "What a screw you are, Doctor!" cried Hyams. "Would you have the conscience to pocket fifty for nothing? Come, come--make it eighty and it's a bargain." "Seventy is my last word. Beard of Mordecai, man! do you think I am going to surrender this pigeon to your hands gratis? Have I not told you already that he has a natural turn for _ecarté_!"