Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 70, No. 431, September 1851Various
History
Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 70, No. 431, September 1851
Various
England -- Periodicals; Scotland -- Periodicals
But when she learned how long she had been thus ill, she looked
anxiously at Leonard's face as he bent over her, and faltered
forth--"Give me my work; I am strong enough for that now--it would
amuse me."
Leonard burst into tears.
Alas! he had no work himself; all their joint money had melted away;
the apothecary was not like good Dr Morgan: the medicines were to
be paid for, and the rent. Two days before, Leonard had pawned
Riccabocca's watch; and when the last shilling thus raised was gone,
how should he support Helen? Nevertheless he conquered his tears,
and assured her that he had employment; and that so earnestly that
she believed him, and sank into soft sleep. He listened to her
breathing, kissed her forehead, and left the room. He turned into
his own neigbouring garret, and, leaning his face on his hands,
collected all his thoughts.
He must be a beggar at last. He must write to Mr Dale for money--Mr
Dale, too, who knew the secret of his birth. He would rather have
begged of a stranger--it seemed to add a new dishonour to his
mother's memory for the child to beg of one who was acquainted with
her shame. Had he himself been the only one to want and to starve,
he would have sunk inch by inch into the grave of famine, before he
would have so subdued his pride. But Helen, there on that bed--Helen
needing, for weeks perhaps, all support, and illness making luxuries
themselves like necessaries! Beg he must. And when he so resolved,
had you but seen the proud bitter soul he conquered, you would
have said--"This which he thinks is degradation--this is heroism.
Oh strange human heart!--no epic ever written achieves the Sublime
and the Beautiful which are graven, unread by human eye, in thy
secret leaves." Of whom else should he beg? His mother had nothing,
Riccabocca was poor, and the stately Violante, who had exclaimed,
"Would that I were a man!"--he could not endure the thought that she
should pity him, and despise. The Avenels! No--thrice No. He drew
towards him hastily ink and paper, and wrote rapid lines, that were
wrung from him as from the bleeding strings of life.
But the hour for the post had passed--the letter must wait till
the next day; and three days at least would elapse before he
could receive an answer. He left the letter on the table, and,
stifling as for air, went forth. He crossed the bridge--he passed
on mechanically--and was borne along by a crowd pressing towards
the doors of Parliament. A debate that excited popular interest
was fixed for that evening, and many bystanders collected in the
street to see the members pass to and fro, or hear what speakers had
yet risen to take part in the debate, or try to get orders for the
gallery.
He halted amidst these loiterers, with no interest, indeed, in
common with them, but looking over their heads abstractedly towards
the tall Funeral Abbey--Imperial Golgotha of Poets, and Chiefs, and
Kings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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