Blackwood's Edinburgh magazine, Vol. 75, No. 462, April 1854Various
History
Blackwood's Edinburgh magazine, Vol. 75, No. 462, April 1854
Various
England -- Periodicals; Scotland -- Periodicals
And then again the voice of the reader broke the silence. They scarcely
thought the sufferer listened; for ever and anon she broke forth in such
wavering self-justifications, self-condemnings, as these. But now there
is a long silence; strange emotions come and go upon this old, old,
withered face. The tears have been dried from her eyes for hours; now
they come again, bedewing all her poor thin cheeks; but a strange
excitement struggles with her weakness. Looking about to her right hand
and to her left, the dying woman struggles with an eager
defiance—struggles till, at a sudden climax, her broken voice breaks
forth again.
“Who said it was me—me—it’s not me! I never could win anything in this
world—nothing in this world—not a heart to care for me. Do you think I
could win Heaven? I say it is not me; it’s for His sake.
“For His sake—for His sake.” If it is a prayer that ends thus—if it is a
sudden assurance of which she will not loose her hold for ever—no one
can know; for by-and-by her panic returns upon Miss Annie. Close in her
own cold fingers she grasps the hand of Menie Laurie, and whispers, “Is
it dark—is it so dark to you?” with again a thrill of terror and
trembling, and awful curiosity, wondering if this, perchance, is the
gloom of death.
“It is very dark—it is almost night.” The lamp is lighted on the table;
let some one go to her side, and hold this other poor wandering hand.
“Oh! not in the night—not in the night—I am afraid to go out in the
night,” sobs poor Miss Annie; and with a dreadful suspicion in her eyes,
as if of some one drawing near to murder her, she watches the falling of
this fated night.
A solemn vigil—with ever that tight and rigid pressure upon their
clasped hands. Mother and daughter, silent, pale, keep the watch
together; and below, the servants sit awe-stricken, afraid to go to
sleep. Jenny, who is not afraid, goes about the stairs, up and down,
from room to room, sometimes serving the watchers, sometimes only
straying near them, muttering, after her fashion, words which may be
prayers, and dashing off now and then an intrusive tear.
Still, with many a frightened pause—many a waking up, and little pang of
terror, this forlorn heart wanders back into the life which is ending
now—wanders back to think herself once more engaged in the busier scenes
of her youth, in the little occupations, the frivolities and gaiety of
her later years; but howsoever her mind wanders, she never ceases to fix
her eyes upon the span of sky glittering with a single star, which
shines pale on her through the window from which, to please her, they
have drawn the curtain. “I am afraid to go out in the dark;” again and
again she says it with a shudder, and a tightened hold upon their
hands—and steadfastly watches the night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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