For some little time we worked like men, and as if we really thought
that we might work to good purpose. But soon it became quite manifest
that we must be beaten. Our utmost exertion barely sufficed to keep
her clear; and any little respite that we allowed to ourselves begat
a terrible accumulation of water. This could not go on long. Hamilton
was the first to admit this conclusion, and to give up the struggle for
existence. I observed the particular moment when hope died within him,
and noted it by the token of his sinking listlessly on the locker, and
expressing in his countenance no sign of interest in our proceedings.
To him there remained no more of the interest of speculation; there
was for him but one idea, that of death, present and painful. I cannot
say that I considered it all over with us yet. I am far from laying
claim to any superior degree of courage, or thinking myself a braver
man than was my companion. Perhaps my love of life was greater--at any
rate I did not yet give in, and by after inquiry I know that Hamilton
did. I am thankful that it was so; for my experience made me afterwards
acquainted with this state of feeling, and taught how paralysing
are its effects. It may be that, had I earlier shared my friend's
despondency, we neither should have survived to tell the tale. What I
contrived to do, though little enough, was yet sufficient probably
to make the difference of some hour or so in our foundering, and this
respite proved our salvation.
Each moment that passed was bearing us out continually farther into the
waste of waters. The gale howled, the waters foamed in rage, and washed
over our gunwale; my shipmate had resigned himself to his fate, and
replied not by word or sign to any consolation that I tried to suggest.
All ground of hope seemed stricken from us; and yet, by a sort of
perversity, I would not consent to the verdict that seemed to have gone
forth against us. Such a struggle against adverse circumstance, where
it is according to the habitual tone of a man's spirit, entitles him to
the name of magnanimous; with me, it was rather a particular phase of
obstinacy. One single chance yet remained to us--scarcely enough for
rational hope; but yet enough to justify resistance to actual despair.
As the wind then blew, it was just possible that we should drift off
the Island of Bourbon, or, at any rate, come near enough to be picked
up by some of her vessels. It was, indeed, a slender chance, but being
our all, I made the most of it; so much, indeed, did I make of it,
that I verily believe I should have felt quite confident of making
the port, if I had had the means of steering. As it was, we drifted
along, without any sail set, and without any compass to point us our
whereabout. But the time was coming for me when I was to experience the
pangs that attend the death of hope within us. This I regard as the
painful part of this night's history. In the earlier stage, there was
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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