Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Volume 63, No. 389, March 1848Various
History
Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Volume 63, No. 389, March 1848
Various
England -- Periodicals; Scotland -- Periodicals
feelings, but fell at her feet and confessed my love. A trifling but
significant circumstance impelled me to this decisive step. Going into
the sitting-room one afternoon, I beheld her standing at the window,
engaged in the childish occupation of breathing on the glass and
scribbling with her finger upon the clouded surface. So absorbed was
she in this pastime that I approached her closely before she seemed
aware of my presence, and was able to read over her shoulder what she
wrote upon the pane. To my inexpressible delight, I distinguished the
initials of my name. Just then she turned her head, gave a faint
coquettish scream, and hurriedly smeared the characters with her hand.
My heart beat quick with joyful surprise; I was too agitated to speak,
but, laying down the music I carried, I hurried to my apartment to
meditate in solitude on what had passed. I beheld my dearest dreams
approaching realisation. I could no longer doubt that Jacqueline loved
me; and although I was but her father's clerk, and he was reputed very
wealthy, yet she was one of many children--my kind foster parent had
promised to establish me in business--and, that done, there would be
no very great impropriety in my offering myself as Herr Schraube's
son-in-law. Upon the strength of these reflections, the next time I
found myself alone with Jacqueline, I made my declaration. Thrice
bitter was the disenchantment of that moment. Her first words swept
away my visions of happiness as summarily as her fingers had effaced
the letters upon the tarnished glass. But the glass remained
uninjured, whilst my heart was bruised and almost broken by the shock
it now sustained. My avowal of love was received with affected
surprise, and with cold and cutting scorn. In an instant the castle of
cards, which for weeks and months I had built and decorated with
flowers of love and fancy, fell with a crash, and left no trace of its
existence save the desolation its ruin caused. I had been the victim
of an arrant coquette, whose coquetry, however, I now believe, sprang
rather from utter want of thought than innate badness of heart. Her
arch looks, her friendly words, her wreathed smiles, the very initials
on the window, were so many limed twigs, set for a silly bird.
Jacqueline had all the while been acting. But what was comedy to her
was deep tragedy to me. I fled from her presence, my heart full, my
cheeks burning, my pulse throbbing with indignation. And as I
meditated, in the silence of my chamber, upon my own folly and her
cruel coquetry, I felt my fond love turn into furious hate, and I
vowed to be revenged. How, I knew not, but my will was so strong that
I was certain of finding a way. Unfortunately, an opportunity speedily
offered itself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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