Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Volume 66, No. 410, December 1849Various
History
Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Volume 66, No. 410, December 1849
Various
England -- Periodicals; Scotland -- Periodicals
should have occasion to glance at so painful a subject, I shall always
call him "that other creature." Let us hope, however, that no such
distressing occasion will arise. But, by the way, an occasion arises
at this moment; for the reader will be sure to ask, when we come to
the story, "Was this other creature present?" He was _not_; or more
correctly, perhaps, _it_ was not. We dropped the creature--or the
creature, by natural imbecility, dropped itself--within the first ten
miles from Manchester. In the latter case, I wish to make a philosophic
remark of a moral tendency. When I die, or when the reader dies, and
by repute suppose of fever, it will never be known whether we died in
reality of the fever or of the doctor. But this other creature, in the
ease of dropping out of the coach, will enjoy a coroner's inquest;
consequently he will enjoy an epitaph. For I insist upon it, that the
verdict of a coroner's jury makes the best of epitaphs. It is brief,
so that the public all find time to read it; it is pithy, so that
the surviving friends (if any _can_ survive such a loss) remember it
without fatigue; it is upon oath, so that rascals and Dr Johnsons
cannot pick holes in it. "Died through the visitation of intense
stupidity, by impinging on a moonlight night against the off hind wheel
of the Glasgow mail! Deodand upon the said wheel--two-pence." What a
simple lapidary inscription! Nobody much in the wrong but an off-wheel;
and with few acquaintances; and if it were but rendered into choice
Latin, though there would be a little bother in finding a Ciceronian
word for "off-wheel," Marcellus himself, that great master of
sepulchral eloquence, could not show a better. Why I call this little
remark _moral_, is, from the compensation it points out. Here, by the
supposition, is that other creature on the one side, the beast of the
world; and he (or it) gets an epitaph. You and I, on the contrary, the
pride of our friends, get none.
But why linger on the subject of vermin? Having mounted the box, I took
a small quantity of laudanum, having already travelled two hundred
and fifty miles--viz., from a point seventy miles beyond London,
upon a simple breakfast. In the taking of laudanum there was nothing
extraordinary. But by accident it drew upon me the special attention of
my assessor on the box, the coachman. And in _that_ there was nothing
extraordinary. But by accident, and with great delight, it drew my
attention to the fact that this coachman was a monster in point of
size, and that he had but one eye. In fact he had been foretold by
Virgil as--
"Monstrum horrendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen ademptum."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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