England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
She had raised her eyebrows, and was looking coldly at him. Did she
mean to rebuke him for the tone he had adopted? Indeed, he seemed to
himself presumptuous. But if they were still on terms such as these,
was it not better to know it, even at the cost of humiliation? One
moment he believed that he could read Sidwell's thoughts, and that they
were wholly favourable to him; at another he felt absolutely ignorant
of all that was passing in her, and disposed to interpret her face as
that of a conventional woman who had never regarded him as on her own
social plane. These uncertainties, these frequent reversions to a state
of mind which at other times he seemed to have long outgrown, were a
singular feature of his relations with Sidwell. Could such experiences
consist with genuine love? Never had he felt more willing to answer the
question with a negative. He felt that he was come here to act a part,
and that the end of the interview, be it what it might, would only
affect him superficially.
'No,' he replied, with deliberation; 'I never supposed that you had any
interest in the most foolish class of wealthy people. I meant that you
recognise your place in a certain social rank, and regard intercourse
with your equals as an essential of happiness.'
'If I understood why you ask'--she began abruptly, but ceased as she
met his glance. Again he thought she was asserting a distant dignity.
'The question arose naturally out of a train of thought which always
occupies me when I talk with you. I myself belong to no class whatever,
and I can't help wondering how--if the subject ever occurred to
you--you would place me.'
He saw his way now, and, having said thus much, could talk on
defiantly. This hour must decide his fortune with Sidwell, yet his
tongue utterly refused any of the modes of speech which the situation
would have suggested to an ordinary mind. He could not 'make love'.
Instead of humility, he was prompted to display a rough arrogance;
instead of tender phrases, he uttered what sounded like deliberate
rudeness. His voice was less gently tuned than Sidwell had been wont to
hear it. It all meant that he despaired of wooing successfully, and
more than half wished to force some word from Sidwell which would spare
him the necessity of a plain avowal.
But before he had finished speaking, her face changed. A light of
sudden understanding shone in her eyes; her lips softened to a smile of
exquisite gentleness.
'The subject never _did_ occur to me,' she answered. 'How should it? A
friend is a friend.'
It was not strictly true, but in the strength of her emotion she could
forget all that contradicted it.
'A friend--yes.'
Godwin began with the same note of bluntness. But of a sudden he felt
the influence of Sidwell's smile. His voice sank into a murmur, his
heart leapt, a thrill went through his veins.
'I wish to be something more than a friend.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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