England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
Sidwell was made uneasy by the course upon which she had entered. To
what did her words tend? If only to a demonstration that fate had used
him as the plaything of its irony--if, after all, she had nothing to
say to him but 'See how your own folly has ruined you', then she had
better have kept silence. She not only appeared to be offering him
encouragement, but was in truth doing so. She wished him to understand
that his way of thinking was no obstacle to her love, and with that
purpose she was even guilty of a slight misrepresentation. For it was
only since the shock of this disaster that she had clearly recognised
the change in her own mind. True, the regret of which she spoke had for
an instant visited her, but it represented a mundane solicitude rather
than an intellectual scruple. It had occurred to her how much brighter
would be their prospect if Peak were but an active man of the world,
with a career before him distinctly suited to his powers.
His contention was undeniably just. The influence to which she had from
the first submitted was the same that her father felt so strongly.
Godwin interested her as a self-reliant champion of the old faiths, and
his personal characteristics would never have awakened such sympathy in
her but for that initial recommendation. Natural prejudice would have
prevented her from perceiving the points of kindred between his
temperament and her own. His low origin, the ridiculous stories
connected with his youth--why had she, in spite of likelihood, been
able to disregard these things? Only because of what she then deemed
his spiritual value.
But for the dishonourable part he had played, this bond of love would
never have been formed between them. The thought was a new apology for
his transgression; she could not but defy her conscience, and look
indulgently on the evil which had borne such fruit.
Godwin had begun to speak again.
'This is quite in keeping with the tenor of my whole life. Whatever I
undertake ends in frustration at a point where success seems to have
just come within my reach. Great things and trifles--it's all the same.
My course at College was broken off at the moment when I might have
assured my future. Later, I made many an effort to succeed in
literature, and when at length something of mine was printed in a
leading review, I could not even sign it, and had no profit from the
attention it excited. Now--well, you see. Laughable, isn't it?'
Sidwell scarcely withheld herself from bending forward and giving him
her hand.
'What shall you do?' she asked.
'Oh, I am not afraid. I have still enough money left to support me
until I can find some occupation of the old kind. Fortunately, I am not
one of those men whose brains have no marketable value.'
'If you knew how it pains me to hear you!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account