“Houstoun Stewart[310] was one night in Drury Lane playhouse very shabbily dressed. A surly-looking, boorish fellow comes up to him: ‘Pray, sir, whose seat do you keep?’ Houstoun replied with an ironical complaisance, ‘Yours, sir.’ As he was rising the fellow observed his sword, was much confused, and asked ten thousand pardons. ‘From this,’ says Stewart, ‘we see the value of a sword. Had I wanted it I might have been taken for a real footman.’” MR. G. GOLDIE. * * * * * “A comical fellow was telling that Raploch sat upon turkey eggs and brought out birds, which made the company laugh extremely. ‘Stay, stay, gentlemen!’ says Harry Barclay;[311] ‘you don’t know that these turkeys are all my cousins german, for Raploch is my uncle.’” LADY KAMES.[312] * * * * * “A gentleman was one night talking of the Nile. An ignorant boobie who was present asked him with great eagerness, ‘Pray, what fellow was that?’ ‘Why, troth, sir,’ says he, ‘it was a fellow that took a conceit to hide his head so that it could not be found again.’” MRS. HERON. * * * * * “A dog one day jumped upon Miss Bruce[313] of Kinross’s lap at a tea-table. ‘I wonder,’ says she, ‘if dogs can see anything particularly agreeable about me?’ ‘Indeed, madam,’ replied a gentleman, ‘he would be a very sad dog that did not.’” MRS. G. GOLDIE. * * * * * “Mr. Heron[314] was one day reproving a servant at table for negligence. ‘What have you been thinking of, Peter, that you have forgot spoons?’ ‘I suppose, my dear,’ says his lady, ‘that he has been thinking of knives and forks.’” I was present. * * * * * “We are apt to imagine that the Turks are a brutal sort of people, totally given up to gross sensuality, and altogether void of gay fancy or the finer feelings. As an instance to the contrary, my Lord Galloway tells that he was sitting at Constantinople with a Turkish gentleman, who, although a true Mussulman, took a glass of wine. The custom there is not for a company to drink all at once, like a regiment going through their evolutions, but as the intention of drinking is to cheer the spirits, they take a cup of the liquor which stands before them just as they feel themselves in need of it. This Turk, after having taken three or four bumpers of champagne, pointed to a lamp which hung above their heads, as they never use candles. ‘This,’ says he, ‘my lord, is to me as the oil is to that lamp.’ A pretty allusion, as if it lighted him up.” LORD KENMORE.[315] * * * * *