The greatest crimes are often perpetrated by those who, in their own
phrase, follow the lead of the moment, and let things take their course.
Things never take their own course, in a certain sense; what we do, and
say, and think, creates circumstances and shapes results. There seems
always to be a choice of paths. We profess--and believe--that we are
neutral; that we surrender ourselves to the chance of the current. But
let an evil hope--a dangerous wish--once enter our minds: something we
venture only half to hint to ourselves in the non-committal whispers of
a craven, unacknowledged longing-working secretly within us, it will act
upon our course as a rudder, which, hidden beneath the water, steers the
vessel inevitably toward a certain goal. Perhaps, when the current has
become too swift, and the rudder, clamped in one fatal position, cannot
be turned, we may realize, and recoil; but now, indeed, we follow the
lead of the moment; now, beyond a doubt, we let things take their
course: we are hurried on irresistibly; that which we dared not openly
to name, or fairly to face, now looms awfully above us--an irrevocable,
accomplished fact.
Beyond doubt it would have been safer to have steadily and fearlessly
kept the end in view from the outset: for the full horror of it would
have been visible while yet there was time to change our minds. Few
people have the nerve to jump from a precipice, or stand in way of a
railway-engine, without first shutting their eyes, and perhaps their
ears also.
In Cornelia's mind there was no intention of ruining her sister's
happiness by interfering between her and Bressant; but then she did not
think it likely that to lose him would occasion Sophie any thing more
than a temporary and comparatively trifling degree of suffering. If she
could allow her love for him to depend upon the immaculateness of his
moral character, she did not love him as much as Cornelia, to whose
affection any considerations of that kind were immaterial. What, after
all, was Sophie's love but an idealization, which had, to be sure, taken
Bressant as its object, but which placed no vital dependence upon him?
But Cornelia's love was to her a matter of life and death: she was
quite convinced that to live without Bressant would be an impossibility.
The next question was, whether Bressant was really as good as Sophie
believed him to be. Cornelia did not think he was. Perhaps a secret
sense of his attitude toward her suggested her suspicions; perhaps they
were the result of her New-York experience, which had taught her just
enough about men to make her imagine there was more or less of dark and
indefinite villainy in the composition of all of them; perhaps it was
her wish that fathered her moral misgivings about him--for it must be
confessed that Cornelia was very far from shrinking at the idea of
seeing her suspicions verified.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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