This was all progress for Cornelia, and she well knew it, and yet she
was not at ease nor satisfied. She began to find out that it was no such
light matter to usurp the place of such a woman as Sophie, though the
latter was laboring under the great disadvantage of being ignorant of
the plot against her. In most cases, indeed, the attempt would have been
wellnigh hopeless, but Cornelia had two exceptionally powerful
allies--her own supreme beauty, and Bressant's untrained and
ill-regulated animal nature, which he had not yet learned to understand
and provide against. And there was another thing in her favor, too,
although she knew it not--the demoralizing effect upon the young man's
character--of his failure to fulfil his agreement with the professor.
The evils that are in us link themselves together to drag us down, their
essential quality being identical, whatever their particular
application.
Nevertheless, time went on, and November had stalked shivering away
before the frosty breath of December, and still Cornelia had
accomplished nothing definite; nay, she scarcely felt sufficiently sure
of her footing to attempt any thing. And what was it that she was to
attempt? On looking this question in the face, at close quarters--it
wanted less than four weeks now of that wedding-day which Cornelia had
promised herself should see no wedding!--when she found herself pressed
so peremptorily as this for an answer, it might be imagined that she
turned pale at what was before her. And, indeed, the prospect, viewed in
its best light, was discouraging and desperate enough. For at what price
to herself must success be bought, and at what sacrifice be enjoyed? She
must either lose, or deserve to lose, all that a woman ought to hold
most sacred and most dear--home, the esteem and love of friends, the
protection of truth, and, above all, and worst of all, her own
self-respect. All these in exchange for a baffled, angry, selfish man,
at whose mercy she would be, with only one word to speak in
self-defense and justification; and it was much to be feared that he
would, considering the circumstances, reject and scoff at even that. The
one word was--she loved him! and, if there be any redeeming virtue in
it, let her, in Heaven's name, have the benefit thereof. She can rely on
nothing else.
But Cornelia would not be disheartened. If she saw the rocks ahead,
against whose fatal shoulders she was being swept--if she heard, dinning
in her ears, the rush and roar of the headlong, irresistible rapids--if
her eyes could penetrate the void which opened darkly beyond--she only
nerved herself the more resolutely, her glance was all the firmer, her
determination the more unfaltering.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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