This, I thought, is going to hurt Ace. Poor Ace, befuddled by a Jezebel; why can’t he attach himself to a nice quiet girl who won’t tear him in pieces every time she follows her inclinations? I smoothed the mare’s side for the last time and put down the currycomb. “I think you are the most exciting woman Ive ever met, Barbara,” I said. _13._ _TIME_ “Hodge.” “Barbara?” “Is it really true youve never written your mother since you left home?” “Why should I write her? What could I say? Perhaps if my first plans had come to something, I might have. But to tell her I worked for six years for nothing would only confirm her opinion of my lack of gumption.” “I wonder if your ambitions in the end don’t amount to a wish to prove her wrong.” “Now you sound like Midbin,” I said, but I wasnt annoyed. I much preferred her present questions to those I’d heard from her in the past weeks: Do you love me? Are you sure? Really love, I mean; more than any other woman? Why? “Oliver has had accidental flashes of insight.” “Arent you substituting your own for what you think might be my motives?” “My mother hated me,” she stated flatly. “Well, it isnt a world where love is abundant; substitutes are cheap and available. But hate—that’s a strong word. How do you know?” “I know. What does it matter how? I’m not unfeeling, like you.” “Me? Now what have I done?” “You don’t care about anyone. Not me or anyone else. You don’t want me; just any woman would do.” I considered this. “I don’t think so, Barbara—” “See! You don’t think so. Youre not sure, and anyway you wouldnt hurt my feelings needlessly. Why don’t you be honest and tell the truth. You’d just as soon it was that streetwalker in New York. Maybe you’d rather. You miss her, don’t you?” “Barbara, Ive told you a dozen times I never—” “And Ive told you a dozen times youre a liar! I don’t care. I really don’t care.” “All right.” “How can you be so phlegmatic? So unfeeling? Nothing means anything to you. Youre a real, stolid peasant. And you smell like one too, always reeking of the stable.” “I’m sorry,” I said mildly; “I’ll try to bathe more often.” Her taunts and jealous fits, her insistent demands did not ruffle me. I was too pleased with the wonders of life to be disturbed. All I’d dreamed Haggershaven could mean when I was sure I would never be part of it was fulfilled and more than fulfilled. Haggershaven and Barbara; Eden and Lilith.