Removed as they were from one another by birth and training, each of
these two women, strangers until within a few days, found that a great
part of her life was identical with that of the other. Yet, at the very
point where they came closest to one another, divergence began again.
Their common interest was their feeling for Bruce Bayard, and their
greatest difference was the manner in which each reacted to the emotion.
The waitress, more elemental, more direct and child-like, wanted the man
with an unequivocal desire. She would have gone through any ordeal,
subjected herself to any ignominious circumstances, for his pleasure.
But she did not want him as a possession, as something which belonged to
her; she wanted him for a master, longed with every fiber of her sensory
system to belong to him. She would have slaved for him, drudged for him,
received any brutal outburst he might have turned on her, gratefully,
just so long as she knew she was his.
Ann Lytton, complicated in her manner of thought by the life she had
lived, hampered by conventions, by preconceived standards of conduct,
would not let herself be whiffed about so wholly by emotion. It was as
though she braced backward and moved reluctantly before a high wind,
urged to flight, resisting the tugging by all the strength of her limbs,
yet losing control with every reluctant step. For her, also, Bruce
Bayard was the most wonderful human being that she had ever experienced.
His roughness, his little uncouth touches, did not jar on her highly
sensitized appreciation of proprieties. With another individual of a
weaker or less cleanly type, the slips in grammar, even, would have been
annoying; but his virility and his unsmirched manner of thought, his
robust, clean body, overbalanced those shortcomings and, deep in her
heart, she idolized him. And yet she would not go further, would not
willingly let that emotion come into the light where it could thrive and
grow with the days; she tried to repress it, keeping it from its natural
sources of nourishment and thereby its growth--for it would grow in
spite of her--became a disrupting progress. One part of her, the real,
natural, unhampered Ann, told her that for his embraces, for his
companionship, she would sell her chances of eternity; she had no desire
to own him, no urge to subject herself to him; the status she wanted was
equal footing, a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship that would be a
joyous thing. And yet that other part, that Puritanical Ann, resisted,
fought down this urge, told her that she must not, could not want Bayard
because, at the Circle A ranch, waited another man who, in the eyes of
the law, of other people, of her God, even, was the one who owned her
loyalty and devotion even though he could not claim her love. Strange
the ways of women who will guard so zealously their bodies but who will
struggle against every natural, holy influence to give so recklessly, so
uselessly, so hopelessly, of their souls!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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