After my Wednesday sermon I saw the pride
of my heart acting thus, that presently my heart would look out and ask
whether I had done well or ill. Hereupon I saw my vileness to make men's
opinions my rule. The Lord thus gave me some glimpse of myself and a
good day that was to me.' One would think that this was By-ends himself
climbed up into the ministry. And so it was. And yet David Brainerd
could write on his deathbed about Thomas Shepard in this way. 'He valued
nothing in religion that was not done to the glory of God, and, oh! that
others would lay the stress of religion here also. His method of
examining his ends and aims and the temper of his mind both before and
after preaching, is an excellent example for all who bear the sacred
character. By this means they are like to gain a large acquaintance with
their own hearts, as it is evident he had with his.'
But it is not those who bear the sacred character of the ministry alone
who are full of by-ends. We all are. You all are. And there is not one
all-reaching, all-exposing, and all-humbling way of salvation appointed
for ministers, and another, a more external, superficial, easy, and self-
satisfied way for their people. No. Not only must the ambitious and
disputing disciples enter into themselves and become witnesses and judges
and executioners within themselves before they can be saved or be of any
use in the salvation of others--not only they, but the fishermen of the
Lake of Tiberias, they also must open their hearts to these stabbing
words of Christ, and see how true it is that they had followed Him for
loaves and fishes, and not for His grace and His truth. And only when
they had seen and submitted to that humiliating self-discovery would
their true acquaintance with Christ and their true search after Him
begin. Come, then, all my brethren, and not ministers only, waken up to
the tremendous importance of that which you have utterly neglected, it
may be ostentatiously neglected, up to this hour,--the true nature, the
true character, of your motives and your ends. Enter into yourselves. Be
not strangers and foreigners to yourselves. Let not the day of judgment
be any surprise to you. Witness against, judge, and execute yourselves,
and that especially because of your by-aims and by-ends. Take up the
touchstone of truth and lay it upon your most secret heart. Do not be
afraid to discover how double-minded and deceitful your heart is. Hunt
your heart down. Track it to its most secret lair. Put its true name,
and continue to put its true name, upon the main motive of your life.
Extort an answer by boot and by wheel, only extort an answer from the
inner man of the heart, to the torturing question as to what is his
treasure, his hope, his deepest wish, his daily dream. Watch not against
any outward enemy, keep all your eyes and all your ears to your own
thoughts. God keeps His awful eye on your thoughts. His eye goes at
every glance to that great depth in you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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