Methought this word _able_ was spoke so
loud unto me and gave such a justle to my fear and doubt as I never had
all my life either before that or after . . . Again, one morning, when I
was at prayer and trembling under fear, that piece of a sentence dashed
in upon me: My grace is sufficient. At this, methought: Oh, how good a
thing it is for God to send His word! . . . Again, one day as I was in a
meeting of God's people, full of sadness and terror, for my fears were
again strong upon me, and as I was thinking that my soul was never the
better, these words did with great power suddenly break in upon me: My
grace is sufficient for thee, My grace is sufficient for thee, three
times together; and, oh! methought that every word was a mighty word unto
me; as _My_, and _grace_, and _sufficient_, and _for thee_. These words
were then, and sometimes still are, far bigger words than others are.
Again, one day as I was passing in the field, and that, too, with some
dashes in my conscience, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul: Thy
righteousness is in heaven. And methought withal I saw, with the eyes of
my soul, Jesus Christ at God's right hand. I saw also, moreover, that it
was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor my
bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness was
Jesus Christ Himself, the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever . . .
Again, oh, what did I see in that blessed sixth of John: Him that cometh
to Me I will in nowise cast out. I should in those days often flounce
toward that promise as horses do toward sound ground that yet stick in
the mire. Oh! many a pull hath my heart had with Satan for this blessed
sixth of John . . . And, again, as I was thus in a muse, that Scripture
also came with great power upon my spirit: Not by works of righteousness
which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us. Now was I
got on high: I saw my self within the arms of Grace and Mercy, and though
I was before afraid to think of a dying hour, yet now I cried: Let me
die. Now death was lovely and beautiful in my sight; for I saw that we
shall never live indeed till we be gone to the other world. Heirs of
God, methought, heirs of God! God himself is the portion of His saints.
This did sweetly revive my spirit, and help me to hope in God; which when
I had with comfort mused on a while, that word fell with great weight
upon my mind: Oh Death, where is thy sting? Oh Grave, where is thy
victory? At this I became both well in body and mind at once, for my
sickness did presently vanish, and I walked comfortably in my work for
God again.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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