France -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; French fiction -- Translations into English
Bixiou [twisting off the second button and seizing another]. “Yes, in
the interests of our noble tongue, it is proper to observe that although
the head of a bureau, strictly speaking, may be called a clerk, the head
of a division must be called a bureaucrat. These gentlemen” [turning
to the clerks and privately showing them the third button off Poiret’s
coat] “will appreciate this delicate shade of meaning. And so, papa
Poiret, don’t you see it is clear that the government clerk comes to
a final end at the head of a division? Now that question once settled,
there is no longer any uncertainty; the government clerk who has
hitherto seemed undefinable is defined.”
Poiret. “Yes, that appears to me beyond a doubt.”
Bixiou. “Nevertheless, do me the kindness to answer the following
question: A judge being irremovable, and consequently debarred from
being, according to your subtle distinction, a functionary, and
receiving a salary which is not the equivalent of the work he does, is
he to be included in the class of clerks?”
Poiret [gazing at the cornice]. “Monsieur, I don’t follow you.”
Bixiou [getting off the fourth button]. “I wanted to prove to you,
monsieur, that nothing is simple; but above all--and what I am going to
say is intended for philosophers--I wish (if you’ll allow me to misquote
a saying of Louis XVIII.),--I wish to make you see that definitions lead
to muddles.”
Poiret [wiping his forehead]. “Excuse me, I am sick at my stomach”
[tries to button his coat]. “Ah! you have cut off all my buttons!”
Bixiou. “But the point is, /do you understand me/?”
Poiret [angrily]. “Yes, monsieur, I do; I understand that you have been
playing me a shameful trick and twisting off my buttons while I have
been standing here unconscious of it.”
Bixiou [solemnly]. “Old man, you are mistaken! I wished to stamp upon
your brain the clearest possible image of constitutional government”
[all the clerks look at Bixiou; Poiret, stupefied, gazes at him
uneasily], “and also to keep my word to you. In so doing I employed
the parabolical method of savages. Listen and comprehend: While the
ministers start discussions in the Chambers that are just about
as useful and as conclusive as the one we are engaged in, the
administration cuts the buttons off the tax-payers.”
All. “Bravo, Bixiou!”
Poiret [who comprehends]. “I don’t regret my buttons.”
Bixiou. “I shall follow Minard’s example; I won’t pocket such a
paltry salary as mine any longer; I shall deprive the government of my
co-operation.” [Departs amid general laughter.]
Another scene was taking place in the minister’s reception-room, more
instructive than the one we have just related, because it shows how
great ideas are allowed to perish in the higher regions of State
affairs, and in what way statesmen console themselves.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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