When persons address an audience from the stage, it is usual, either in
words or gesture, to say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, your servant." If I
were base enough, mean enough, paltry enough, and brute beast enough,
to follow that fashion, I should tell two lies in a breath. In the
first place, you are not ladies and gentlemen, but I hope something
better--that is to say, honest men and women; and in the next place,
if you were ever so much ladies, and ever so much gentlemen, I am not,
nor ever will be, your humble servant. You see me here, most thinking
people, by mere chance. I have not been within the doors of a playhouse
before for these ten years, nor till that abominable custom of taking
money at the doors is discontinued, will I ever sanction a theatre with
my presence. The stage-door is the only gate of freedom in the whole
edifice, and through that I made my way from Bagshaw's in Brydges Street,
to accost you. Look about you. Are you not all comfortable? Nay, never
slink, mun; speak out, if you are dissatisfied, and tell me so before
I leave town. You are now (thanks to Mr. Whitbread) got into a large,
comfortable house. Not into a gimcrack palace; not into a Solomon's
temple; not into a frost-work of Brobdingnag filagree; but into a plain,
honest, homely, industrious, wholesome, brown, brick playhouse. You have
been struggling for independence and elbow-room these three years; and
who gave it you? Who helped you out of Lilliput? Who routed you from a
rat-hole, five inches by four, to perch you in a palace? Again and again
I answer, Mr. Whitbread. You might have sweltered in that place with the
Greek name till Doomsday, and neither Lord Castlereagh, Mr. Canning,
no, nor the Marquis Wellesley, would have turned a trowel to help you
out! Remember that. Never forget that. Read it to your children, and to
your children's children! And now, most thinking people, cast your eyes
over my head to what the builder (I beg his pardon, the architect) calls
the proscenium. No motto, no slang, no Popish Latin to keep the people
in the dark. No _Veluti in speculum_. Nothing in the dead languages,
properly so called, for they ought to die, ay, and be damned to boot!
The Covent Garden manager tried that, and a pretty business he made of
it! When a man says _Veluti in speculum_, he is called a man of letters.
Very well, and is not a man who cries O.P. a man of letters too? You
ran your O.P. against his _Veluti in speculum_, and pray which beat? I
prophesied that, though I never told anybody. I take it for granted,
that every intelligent man, woman, and child, to whom I address myself,
has stood severally and respectively in Little Russell Street, and cast
their, his, her, and its eyes on the outside of this building before they
paid their money to view the inside. Look at the brick-work, English
audience! Look at the brick-work! All plain and smooth like a quaker's
meeting. None of your Egyptian pyramids, to entomb subscribers' capitals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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