_1st Sold._ Fall on! [_They all kill one another._
[_Music strikes._
_Bayes._ Hold, hold. [_To the music. It ceases._
Now, here's an odd surprise: all these dead men you shall see
rise up presently, at a certain note that I have, in _effaut flat_,
and fall a-dancing. Do you hear, dead men? remember your
note in _effaut flat_.
Play on. [_To the music._
Now, now, now! [_The music plays his note, and the dead men
rise; but cannot get in order._
O Lord! O Lord! Out, out, out! did ever men spoil a good
thing so! no figure, no ear, no time, nothing. Udzookers, you
dance worse than the angels in "Harry the Eighth," or the fat
spirits in the "Tempest," egad.
_1st Sold._ Why, sir, 'tis impossible to do anything in time, to this
tune.
_Bayes._ O Lord, O Lord! impossible! Why, gentlemen, if there be any
faith in a person that's a Christian, I sat up two whole nights in
composing this air, and apting it for the business; for, if you observe,
there are two several designs in this tune: it begins swift, and ends
slow. You talk of time, and time; you shall see me do it. Look you, now:
here I am dead.
[_Lies down flat upon his face._
Now mark my note _effaut flat_. Strike up, music.
Now. [_As he rises up hastily, he falls down again._
Ah, gadzookers! I have broke my nose.
_Johns._ By my troth, Mr. Bayes, this is a very unfortunate note of
yours, in _effaut_.
_Bayes._ A plague on this old stage, with your nails, and your
tenter-hooks, that a gentleman can't come to teach you to act, but he
must break his nose, and his face, and the devil and all. Pray, sir, can
you help me to a wet piece of brown paper?
_Smith._ No, indeed, sir, I don't usually carry any about me.
_2nd Sold._ Sir, I'll go get you some within presently.
_Bayes._ Go, go, then; I follow you. Pray dance out the dance, and I'll
be with you in a moment. Remember you dance like horse-men.
[_Exit_ BAYES.
_Smith._ Like horse-men! what a plague can that be?
_They dance the dance, but can make nothing of it._
_1st Sold._ A devil! let's try this no longer. Play my dance
that Mr. Bayes found fault with so. [_Dance, and Exeunt._
_Smith._ What can this fool be doing all this while about his
nose?
_Johns._ Prithee let's go see. [_Exeunt._
* * * * *
ACT III.--SCENE I.
BAYES _with a paper on his nose_, _and the two Gentlemen_.
_Bayes._ Now, sirs, this I do, because my fancy, in this play, is, to end
every act with a dance.
_Smith._ Faith, that fancy is very good; but I should hardly have broke
my nose for it, tho'.
_Johns._ That fancy I suppose is new too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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