By the Light of the Soul: A NovelFreeman, Mary Eleanor Wilkins
General
By the Light of the Soul: A Novel
Freeman, Mary Eleanor Wilkins
Fiction
"Yes, I shall. And I am not ashamed now. I was ashamed because I
thought so much about a man who did not care anything about me, but
now I am not ashamed. I am just killed. A person is not to blame for
being killed. I am not ashamed. I am killed. He is going away, and I
shall never see him again. The sight of him was something; I shall
not even have that. You don't know, sister. I don't love him for my
own self, but for himself. Just the knowing he is near is something,
and I shall not even have that." Evelyn was too weak to cry
tumultuously, but she made little, futile moans, and clung to Maria's
hand. Maria tried to soothe her, and finally the child, worn out,
seemed to be either asleep or in the coma of exhaustion.
Then Maria went into her own room. She undressed, and sat down beside
the window with a wrapper over her night-gown. Now she had to solve
her problem. She began as she might have done with a problem in
higher algebra, this problem of the human heart and its emotions. She
said to herself that there were three people. Evelyn, Wollaston and
herself, three known quantities, and an unknown quantity of
happiness, and perhaps life itself, which must be evolved from them.
She eliminated herself and her own happiness not with any particular
realization of self-sacrifice. She came of a race of women to whom
self-sacrifice was more natural than self-gratification. She was
unhappy, but there was no struggle for happiness to render the
unhappiness keener. She thought first of Evelyn. She loved Wollaston.
Maria reasoned, of course, that she was very young. This first love
might not be her only one, but the girl's health might break under
the strain, and she took into consideration, as she had often done,
the fairly abnormal strength of Evelyn's emotional nature in a slight
and frail young body. Evelyn was easily one who might die because of
a thwarted love. Then Maria thought of Wollaston, and, loving him as
she did, she acknowledged to herself coolly that he was the first to
be considered, his happiness and well being. Even if Evelyn did break
her heart, the man must have the first consideration. She tried to
judge fairly as to whether she or Evelyn would on the whole be the
best for him. She estimated herself, and she estimated Evelyn, and
she estimated the man. Wollaston Lee was a man of a strong nature,
she told herself. He was capable of self-restraint, of holding his
head up from his own weaknesses forever. Maria reasoned that if he
had been a weaker man she would have loved him just the same, and in
that case Evelyn would have been the one to be sacrificed. She
thought that a girl like Evelyn would not have been such a good wife
for a weak man as she herself, who was stronger. But Wollaston did
not need any extraneous strength. On the contrary, some one who was
weaker than he might easily strengthen his strength. It seemed to her
that Evelyn was distinctly better for the man than she. Then she
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account