"Ah!" said that functionary, as he looked in to see whether I would take hot pickled pork or roast goose for dinner. "The last time we touched at Aden, there was two gents 'ad 'ysters. One of 'em died the same night, and the other nex' mornin'." I laughed so much that the poison left my system. Yet still we eat oysters--the _Sans Bacilles_ brand, for choice. And if we can only persuade the young gentleman who opens the bivalves to refrain from washing the grit off each in the tub of dirty water behind the bar, so much the better. And above all, the bivalves should be opened on the _deep_ shell, so as to conserve some of the juice; for it is advisable to get as much of the bivalve as we can for the money. Every time I crunch the bones of a lark I feel that I am devouring an oratorio, in the way of song; and whilst the bivalve is sliding down the "red lane" it may be as well to reflect that "there slips away fourpence"; or, as the Scotsman had it, "bang went saxpence!" In connection with Mr. Bob Sawyer's supper party in _Pickwick_, it may be recollected that "the man to whom the order for the oysters had been sent had not been told to open them; it is a very difficult thing to open an oyster with a limp knife or a two-pronged fork: and very little was done in this way." And in one's own house, unless there be an adept at oyster-opening present, the simplest way to treat the bivalve is the following. It should be remembered that a badly-opened oyster will resemble in flavour a slug on a gravel walk. So _roast_ him, good friends, in his own fortress. _Oysters in their own Juice._ With the tongs place half-a-dozen oysters, mouths outwards, between the red-hot coals of the parlour or dining-room fire--the deep shell must be at the bottom--and the oysters will be cooked in a few minutes, or when the shells gape wide. Pull them out with the tongs, and insert a fresh batch. No pepper, vinegar, or lemon juice is necessary as an adjunct; and the oyster never tastes better. At most eating-houses, _Scalloped Oysters_ taste of nothing but scorched bread-crumbs; and the reason is obvious, for there is but little else in the scallop shell. _Natives only_ should be used.