General stores -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction; West (U.S.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"'Well,' said I, 'that word was pounded into me so hard at school one
day that I've never been able to get rid of it. You see, I was the
teacher's favorite, after a fashion, because it was known that I was
expectin' to study for the ministry, so the teacher kept remindin'
me that grammar was made to practise as well as recite, an' 'twasn't
of any use to use the language correctly in the class if I was goin'
to smash it an' trample on the pieces on the playground. I took the
warnin' an' one day, when four of us boys were havin' a game of
long-taw at recess I said somethin' about "those" marbles. One of the
boys jumped as if he had been shot, and when he came down he rolled
back his lips an' said "Those!" kind o' contemptuous-like, an' another
snickered "Those!" an' the other growled "Those!" an' then the first
one said, "Fellers, Preachy's puttin' on airs; let's knock 'em out of
him," an' then all of 'em jumped on me an' pounded me until the bell
rang us in from recess, an' from that time to this I've stuck to "them"
like a penitent to the precious promises.'
"Well, she had a laugh over that; she said afterward that it cured her
headache, but after quietin' down she said, lookin' out o' the side o'
her face kind o' teasin'-like, an' also mighty bewitchin':--
"'What did the boys do to make you say "ain't" for "haven't"?'
"Then I was stuck, an' laughed at myself as the best way of turnin'
it off, but for the rest of the evenin' I was chasin' the old grammar
back through about twenty years of army talk an' store talk, an' 'twas
harder than a dog nosin' a rabbit through a lot full o' blackberry
patches, an' I reckon I lost the scent a good many times. I stayed in
the city that night, so as to get into a bookstore an' a grammar book
early next mornin', an' I dived into that book ev'ry chance I got, in
the hoss-cars an' ev'rywhere else, an' when I was on the ocean an'
not sayin' my prayers, nor readin' the Bible, I was doin' only three
things, an' generally doin' all of 'em at once,--thinkin' of Mary,
keepin' my head an' shoulders up as my old soldier-chum Jim had made me
promise to do, an' puttin' Claybanks English into decent grammatical
shape. I tried to stop droppin' my 'g's' too, for she seemed to think
they deserved a fightin' chance o' life, even if they did come in only
on the tail-ends of words; I'd have got along fairly well at it, if it
hadn't been for the English people, but some of them seem to hate a
'g' at the end of a word as bad as if it was an 'h' at the beginnin',
which is sayin' a good deal. But see here, isn't it most church time? I
s'pose the sooner I take up my cross, the less I'll dread it."
"Caleb," exclaimed Grace, in genuine surprise, "it can't be possible
that you've been backsliding, and learning to dislike religious
services?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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