France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
I used to sit for hours and watch the unhappy man, and I fancied
terrible tragedies, some fatal love affair, a noble life bungled,
crushed and ruined by that woman with the owl face. I pictured to
myself this living corpse as beautiful, young and strong.... Perhaps
he had been an artist once upon a time, a scientist, or simply a happy
and kind-hearted man. And tall and upright, with a gaze full of hope,
he marched towards glory or happiness.... One day he met that woman at
the house of a friend ... and that woman, too, wore a perfumed veil, a
small muff, an otter skin cap, a heavenly smile, and an air of angelic
sweetness.... And forthwith he fell in love with her.... I followed
step by step the development of his love affair, I counted up his
weaknesses, his moments of cowardice, his growing downfalls up to the
time of his sinking into this armchair for cripples and paralytics.
And what I imagined his life was to him, my own life was to me,
those were my own feelings, it was my own dread of the future, my
own anguish.... Little by little my hallucination took on a singular
physical form, and it was myself that I saw in this velvet cap, in this
morning robe with this battered body, this murky beard, and Juliette
who stood over my shoulder like an owl....
Juliette!... She walked about in the study, weary of body, her whole
figure betraying boredom, yawning and sighing. She could not think of
anything to distract her. Most often she would place the card table not
far from me and lose herself in the card combinations of a complicated
"patience," or she would stretch herself out on the sofa, spread a
napkin over her dress, place upon it some tiny instruments of tortoise
shell, microscopic containers of ointment, and begin polishing her
nails, fiercely filing them and making them shine more lustrously than
agate. She would examine them every five minutes, looking for the
reflection of her image in the polished surfaces:
"Look my dear! Aren't they beautiful! And you, too, Spy, look at your
mistress' pretty nails."
The light friction of the nail brush, the imperceptible creaking of
the sofa, Juliette's remarks, her conversation with Spy--all this
was sufficient to put to rout the few ideas which I strove to bring
together. My thoughts would turn immediately to ordinary matters,
and I meditated upon painful things and lived sorrowful things over
again.... Juliette.... Did I love her? Many times this question arose
in my mind, pregnant with horrible doubt.... Had I not been deceived
by the stupefaction of my senses?... Was not this thing which I took
for love, the ephemeral and fleeting manifestation of a pleasure as yet
untasted?... Juliette!... Of course I loved her....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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