France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
She occupied my mind for a week. I resumed my furious walks through
the moor, on the strand, and I wished I could conquer my passion.
While walking, driven by the wind, carried along by that peculiar
exaltation occasioned by rain pelting the sea shore, I imagined all
sorts of romantic conversations with demoiselle Landudec and nocturnal
adventures which took place in enchanted and lunar places. Like the
characters in an opera, we vied with each other in sublime thought,
in heroic sacrifices, in wonderful devotion; under the spell of
the passionate rhythms and stirring recurrences of the song of the
elements, we extended the boundaries of human self-denial. A sobbing
orchestra accompanied the anguish of our voices.
"I love you! I love you!"
"No, no! You must not love me!"
She, in a very long white gown, with a bewildered look and outstretched
arms ... I, gloomy, inexorable, the calves of my legs swelling under
the violet silk tight garment, my hair disheveled by the wind.
"I love you! I love you!"
"No! No! You must not love me!"
And the violins emitted inaudible plaints, the wind instruments moaned,
while the double basses and the dulcimers rumbled like tempest and
peals of thunder.
Oh, the tragi-comedy of sorrow!
A curious thing! Demoiselle Landudec and Juliette became one; I no
longer separated them, I confused them in my dreams, extravagant and
melodramatic. Both were too pure for me.
"No! No! I am a leper, leave me alone!"
They passionately kissed my wounds, spoke of death and cried: "I love
you! I love you!"
And vanquished, subdued, redeemed by love I fell at their feet. The old
father, dying, spread his arms over us and blessed us, the three of us!
This trance did not last long; I soon found myself on the dune, face to
face with Juliette.
There were no violins, no wind instruments any longer, only the howl of
anguish and revolt, the cry of a captured stag craving the female of
its species.
"Juliette! Juliette!"
One evening I returned home more despondent than ever, my mind obsessed
with dismal projects, my arms and hands in some manner agitated by a
mad desire to kill, to strangle. I would have liked to feel something
alive writhing, rattling, dying under the pressure of my fingers.
Mother Le Gannec was standing at the threshold, darning the never
failing pair of stockings. She said to me:
"How late you are today, friend Mintié! I have prepared some nice
sea-crab for you!"
"Leave me alone, you drivelling woman!" I shouted. "I don't want your
sea-crab, I don't want anything, do you hear me?"
And sputtering angry words, I brutally made her step aside to let me
pass. The poor kindly woman, stupefied by my action, lifted her arms to
heaven and moaned.
"Ah! My Lord! Ah, Jesus!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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