"I do not accuse others in order to palliate my own follies. But one thing is sure, I had more than enough for all my own expenses, though not for those of my friends and my friends' friends, who rushed upon me like hungry wolves. I bear them no grudge; they but acted according to their nature. As for me, my hand was never shut. Not only my purse, but my signature was at everybody's disposal. There was my greatest mistake; for I may say in all sincerity that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, in my times of greatest embarrassment, I had to meet their liabilities with my own cash in order to save my credit. A great English poet has said: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry, And loan oft loses both itself and friend. "Give, my dear boy, with both hands; but be chary of your signature. "My private affairs were so mingled with those of my office that it was long before I discovered how deeply I was involved. The revelation came upon me like a thunderbolt. Not only was I ruined, but I was on the verge of a serious defalcation. At last I said to myself, 'what matters the loss of the gold, so long as I pay my debts? I am young, and not afraid to work, and I shall always have enough. Moreover, my friends owe me considerable sums. When they see my difficulties, not only will they hasten to give back what they owe, but they will do for me as I have so often done for them.' What a fool I was to judge others by myself! For me, I would have moved heaven and earth to save a friend from ruin. How innocent and credulous I was! They had good reason, the wretches, to laugh at me. "I took account of what was owed me and of the value of my property, and then perceived that with these affairs settled up there would remain but a small balance, which I could cover with the help of my relations. The load rolled off my heart. How little I knew of men! I told my debtors, in confidence, how I was situated. I found them strangely cold. Several to whom I had lent without written acknowledgment had even forgotten that they owed me anything. Those whose notes I held, declared it was ungenerous of me to take them unawares. The greater number, who had had business at my office, claimed boldly that I was in debt to them. I did, indeed, owe them a trifle, while they owed me considerable sums. I asked them for a settlement, but they put me off with promises; and meanwhile undermined my credit by whispering it about that I was on the verge of ruin. They even turned me into ridicule as a spendthrift fool. One wag of a fellow, whom but eighteen months before I had saved not only from ruin but from disgrace (his secret shall die with me), was hugely witty at my expense. His pleasantries had a great success among my old friends. Such measureless ingratitude as this completely crushed me. One only, and he a mere acquaintance, hearing that I was in difficulties, hastened to me with these words: