At length the door opened, and I saw one, and another, and then groups,
descend the steps; the young lady appearing amongst the last, moving
slowly, so as to give me time to see and approach her. When at the
bottom of the flight she stopped, for a moment, and as I came near her
she said, in a low tone, “Here are the notes, and I have added a few
lines to them; good night.” It was well she said this, as the giving me
the paper, as I requested, would have plunged me into despair. I need
not say that I hastened to my lodgings, that I might read the precious
contents; for I could not but augur favourably of them from the manner
of her giving the paper to me. Under my own impassioned scrawl were
these lines.
“Notwithstanding the fear of giving you pain, I must return the leaf;
for I should not like to leave it in the book. My whole manner must be a
convincing proof that I have a high esteem for your character, and that
I feel a strong interest in your welfare; more than this I dare not say.
I am entirely dependent on my uncle; and it has been his wish, for many
years, to see me the wife of his grandson—the person who has always
accompanied me to the lectures. You need not fear that this event will
ever take place, as my disinclination to it has long been known to the
young man; and neither he nor my uncle have any power to compel me. In
saying thus much I do not wish to encourage you, as my uncle is
obstinate and unyielding, and would never consent to the addresses of
any other man. I hope you may forget me and be as happy as you deserve.
I do violence to my feelings in bidding you farewell; but prudence and a
regard to your interests dictate it.”
Prudence, indeed! What were the prudential reasons? My inability to
support her? Surely if she loved me, there were means enough to be
comfortable, and I would move mountains to place her in affluence. She
has an esteem for me, and she does violence to her feelings in bidding
me farewell. I have hopes, therefore, that, as her heart is disengaged,
I may, in time, aspire to her love.
In thoughts like these I passed the night; nor did I recover my
equanimity for several days; every thing, every thought, that did not
relate to her, was irksome and distasteful, and my labours at the office
were conducted mechanically. The commencement of the great work was now
contemplated. I was told to get ready for it; and, as there was a
translation of a very popular French work wanted, Mr. Blagge pressed me
to undertake it. Perhaps it was well for me that I was thus suddenly
compelled to exertion, for with this depression of spirits I might have
sunk into apathy incurable. I likewise owed much to Mr. Blagge’s
kindness; and being of a grateful nature, determined not to disappoint
him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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