He sat a long time after Mr. Brenton had smoked his cigar and gone
indoors. He was both angry and miserable. His feeling, as he had
approached Yelverton that evening, had been one nearly akin to
pleasure. He was glad to meet Agnes Brenton, glad to see Caroline
again; and after the first greeting Mrs. Brenton had swept him into a
fresh element for trouble and regret. "The fault is in myself," he
mused, "it must be so. I am in my wrong groove; that's what is at the
bottom of it all."
He delivered himself up wholly in this moment to that old yearning to
shake off the trammels of his present existence, to be stripped of all
that made the world envy him.
For a brief while he had sunned himself in the glory of a false
paradise, and for that brief while the clamour of his old ambitions had
been silenced, the weighty responsibility of his money had been changed
into satisfaction. But once that glory had been darkened his spirit had
gone back with a rush to the old habits, the old desires.
It was, perhaps, inevitable that he should turn against this
environment of wealth and luxury, of soft raiment and cultivated
beauty, since he had been taught the hollowness of this social life,
since trickery and selfishness, lies and banalities, had swept so
destructively across his path. Not that he condemned wholesale; he made
distinctions. There was good everywhere. These very people whose guest
he was this night were in themselves the surest testimony to that.
Brought in contact now with all sorts and conditions of people, he was
quick to recognize that there were hearts as honest and as simple in
the ranks of the moneyed class as in any other walk of life.
Nevertheless, Haverford's real sympathies were with those who worked;
it seemed to him there must always be more possibility for finding gold
in the natures of those who toiled and suffered and even died together
in their grind to put bread into the mouths of their children, than
could be possible to the idlers and the well-cared-for.
Back in the old days he had seen many an evidence of this golden nature
packed away in a rough frame, an uncouth personality.
And the women of those old days, was not their history such as to place
them apart for honour and admiration? Why, he could bring back memories
now of fidelity, and courage, and dogged endurance among those working
women that made his eyes wet and his heart thrill as he recalled them.
And he remembered, too, that till this night there had always been
something about Caroline Graniger to remind him of those people who had
been once so dear to him, to whom his heart still turned, despite their
recent churlish treatment of him; who made such a close bond between
his boyhood and his present self.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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