"And the rest," said Mr. Spenlove in a colourless voice, "is by way of
being an epilogue of detached and vagrant memories. They come to me now
and again, a sad sequence of blurred pictures in which I can see my own
figure in unfamiliar poses. There is the night which I passed in that
house, a night of endless recapitulations and regrets. There was the
moment when I turned from the bed, where the dead girl lay, and found
the other girl, with her extraordinary vitality, close beside me,
scrutinizing me as though I were a problem she found it impossible to
solve. And when I walked through into the other room and sat down beyond
a table on which a tiny oil lamp burned, she advanced into the circle of
light, so that her shadow was gigantic on the wall and ceiling behind
her, and looked across at me. There was a subtle change in her since we
had met in the street outside. She seemed full of an insatiable
curiosity to know my thoughts. And my thoughts just then were not for
any one to know. My thoughts resembled a flock of wild birds which had
been streaming steadily in one direction when a bomb had exploded among
them and sent them swirling and careening in crazy circles. And she did
this more than once. While I sat there in the semi-darkness beyond the
circle of light she came in with some bread and a bottle of wine, and
set a plate and glass beside them on the table, and then, after watching
me for a moment, went away again. There was a faint murmur from below
where a number of women from neighbouring houses were conversing in low
tones with the old Greek woman who seemed to be the _concierge_, and
thither no doubt the girl retired. And once while I drowsed for a spell
I was aware of her as she stepped softly up to me, peered into my face,
and then, as I opened my eyes, withdrew without speaking. Yes, I drowsed
time and again; but toward dawn I grew wakeful and the necessity of
returning to the ship became urgent once more. You will understand, of
course, that it was not a fear of being killed that held me in that
room. I was in a mood up there which rendered me perfectly indifferent
to material risks of that nature. It was rather an illogical and
irresistible instinct to play up to the event. I was intensely aware
that the episode, by reason of its frustrating climax, was already
standing away from me, and I was unable to relinquish my position. I
felt that when I was gone away from that room I would be at the mercy of
a frightful and solitary future. It may sound strange to you, spoken in
cold blood, but that dead girl was nearer to me during my vigil than any
living woman had ever been! I went over everything that had happened
while I sat and watched the light of the three candles flicker over
those exquisite features. And I discovered in the confused tangle of
emotions one bright scarlet thread of gladness that no more harm could
come to her. For mind you, I was wise enough to know the perilous
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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