"'In love with me? She may have been. I daresay she can convince herself
she's in love with all of us. I told you she's imaginative. In love
with me? Golly, I don't blame her. I nearly went out of my mind about
her. There isn't a folly I didn't commit for--how long was it?--say six
weeks. I shall never forget it. But a man in my position can't afford
many of these episodes. They're too strenuous. I've got to work. If
you'll excuse me, your cab is waiting and Miss Bailey will be back in a
few minutes. She costs me three shillings an hour. You see,' he added,
smiling, 'she's not in love with me! Love! My friend, the love those
sort of women inspire never got a man anywhere. You can't escape it if
it comes your way, it's true. You can only trust to the good Lord to let
you off lightly. But flight is the bravest course. You have to be very
rich and very strong in character if you are going in for that sort of
thing. And this girl especially, because she does it by instinct. She
works on you and gradually builds up in your mind an ideal woman who
does duty for her. Oh, I know! She's a wonder. For instance,' and Mr.
Kelly turned to me and held his index finger against my breast, 'why
does she send you to me? Is she in want of money? Is she in danger? No.
If she was, she knows I couldn't do anything for her if I would. She's
doing it to impress you, to play up to the imaginary woman you've in
your mind. As for this idea of sending a kid over here to be brought up
an Englishman--phew! She's read something like that in a book, I'll bet.
Well, here's Miss Bailey. You must excuse me. If you're in London next
month, come and see my show at the New Gallery. And Sunday nights at
supper. How I envy you going to the Mediterranean. My dream ...
Good-bye.'
"Well," said Mr. Spenlove, after a moment of silent reflection, "I came
out of the Kentish Studios and climbed into my cab feeling very much as
though I had been skinned. That terrible young man seemed to have left
me without a single illusion about myself. I have discovered since that
he is recognized now as a painter of unusual power. He is making a name.
But to me he will always be the merciless analyst of human emotion. He
had the bitterness of those who escape love. He spared neither himself,
nor me, nor the girl. He almost frightened me with the accuracy of his
diagnosis. As the cab sped along the Tottenham Court Road on its way
back to the Strand I wondered what he would have thought of Captain
Macedoine himself, that master of illusion who was always playing up to
the imaginary being one had in one's mind. I suppose creative artists
see through each other's tricks. An artist is one who imposes upon our
legitimate aspirations.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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