This man who had fought grizzly bears came rather as a surprise among
the politicians in silk hats who run the United States. He had all the
gentry at his back because he is the first man of unquestioned birth
and breeding who has entered the political bear-pit since the country
squires who followed George Washington. He had all the army at his back
because he had charged the heights at Santiago de Cuba with conspicuous
valor at the head of his own regiment of cowboys. He had the navy at
his back because as secretary for the navy he had successfully governed
the fleet. But he was no politician when he came forward to claim the
presidency of the United States. Seeing that he could not be ignored
the wire-puller set a trap for this innocent and gave him the place of
vice-president. The vice-president has little to do, can only succeed
to the throne in the event of the president’s death, and is, after a
brief term, barred for life from any further progress. “Teddy” walked
into the trap and sat down.
But when President McKinley was murdered the politicians found that
they had made a most surprising and gigantic blunder. By their own
act the cowboy bear fighter must succeed to the vacant seat as chief
magistrate of the republic. President Roosevelt happened to be away at
the time, hunting bears in the Adirondack wilderness, and there began a
frantic search of mountain peaks and forest solitudes for the missing
ruler of seventy million people. When he was found, and had paid the
last honors to his dead friend, William McKinley, he was obliged to
proceed to Washington, and there take the oaths. His women folk had
a terrible time before they could persuade him to wear the silk hat
and frock coat which there serve in lieu of coronation robes, but he
consented even to that for the sake of the gorgeous time he was to have
with the politicians afterward.
XXIX
A. D. 1905
THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE
Once upon a time the Foul Fiend wanted a death-trap that would pick
out all the bravest men and destroy them, so he invented the Northwest
Passage.
So when Europe needed a short route to China round the north end of the
Americas our seamen set out to find a channel, and even when they knew
that any route must lie through the high Arctic, still they were not
going to be beaten. Our white men rule the world because we refuse to
be beaten.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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