"Can you read?" "At your service, major." "Can you write?" "At your service, major." "Can you cipher?" "At your service, major." "What are you in civil life?" "Doctor of philosophy and lecturer in the university."--_Fliegende Blätter_, Berlin, 1872.] A compartment of a railway carriage, in which are two passengers, one of whom has two little pigs under the seat, and the other a small curly lap-dog in his lap. _Conductor_ (standing outside). "Have you a dog's ticket?" "No." "Then get one." "But my dog troubles no one." "That makes no difference." "But this countryman here has two pigs in the carriage." "No matter for that; we have a rule about dogs, but none for pigs." A boat on a Swiss lake with a party about to lunch. A lady, in great alarm, says to the boatman: "Stop, for Heaven's sake, stop! You told the people, when we got in, that your boat would sink if it were heavier by half an ounce. But if these men eat all that, we shall go to the bottom for a certainty." A restaurant scene. A customer, handing back to a waiter a plate of meat, says: "Waiter, this meat is so tough I can't chew it." _Waiter._ "Excuse me, I will bring you a sharp knife immediately." An aged clergyman parting with a young soldier about to join the army, says: "Augustus, you now enter upon a military career. Take care of your health, and mind you lead a good life." _Augustus._ "Same to you, pastor." A boy up a tree, and a gentleman standing under it. "I'll teach you to steal my plums, you scoundrel! I'll tell your father." "What do I care? My father steals himself." This picture is headed, "Good Fruit." A family seated at dinner. _Mother._ "But, Elsie, naughty girl! what horrid manners you have! You eat only the cream, and leave the dumplings." _Elsie._ "Why, papa can eat them." A man and woman of Jewish cast of countenance are seen at a pawnbroker's sale. _Woman._ "Well, what will you buy for mother's birthday?" _Man._ "A handsome dress, I think." _Woman._ "How unpractical you are! She can only live three or four years at most; and even in that short time a dress will be in rags. Let us buy for the dear old soul a pair of silver candlesticks. Then when she dies we shall have them back again." Under the heading of "Cheap Illumination," we are presented with a picture of an Esquimau with a lighted wick held in his mouth, and the following explanation: "The Esquimaux, as is well known, live on the fat of the reindeer, the seal, and the whale. This suggested to the arctic traveler, Warnie, the idea of drawing a wick through the body of one of the natives, and in this way obtaining a brilliant train-oil lamp for the long winter nights." [Illustration: A Bold Comparison. (Berlin, 1873.) _Pastor's Wife._ "But half the cracknels are scorched to-day." _Cracknel Man._ "So they are. But, you see, I have the same luck as the pastor: all his sermons do not turn out equally good."]