England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Agnes did not think so, who rushed in--not to her room, which would have
been a little comfort, but to the curtained corner of the dormitory,
from which she superintended night and day ‘the middle girls,’ who were
her charge, and where she was always afraid of some small pair of
peeping eyes prying upon her seclusion. She threw off her bonnet, and
flung herself on her knees by the side of her little bed. ‘Oh, what a
farce it was,’ she thought, to cover such feelings as surged in her
heart under the demure drapery of that black cloak, or to tie the
conventual bonnet over cheeks that burned with blushes, called there by
such words as she had been hearing! She bent down her face upon the
coverlet and cried as if her heart would break, praying for forgiveness,
though these same foolish words would run in and out of her prayers,
mixing with her heart-broken expressions of penitence in the most
bewildering medley. After all, there was no such dreadful harm done. She
was not a Sister, nor had she ever intended to be a Sister, but that
very simple reflection afforded the fanciful girl no comfort. She had
come here to seek a higher life, and lo, at once, at the first
temptation, had fallen--fallen, into what? Into the foolishness of the
foolishest girl without an ideal--she whose whole soul had longed to lay
hold on the ideal, to get into some higher atmosphere, on some loftier
level of existence. It was not Sister Mary Jane she was afraid of, it
was herself whom she had so offended; for already, could it be possible?
insidious traitors in her heart had begun to ply her with suggestions of
other kinds of perfection; wicked lines of poetry stole into her head,
foolish stories came to her recollection. Oh! even praying, even
penitence were not enough to keep out this strife. She sprang to her
feet, and rushed to St. Cecilia, the room which was her battleground,
and where the noise of the girls putting away their books and work, and
preparing to go to tea, promised her exemption, for a little while at
least, from any possibility of thought. But Agnes was not to be let off
so easily. In the passage she met Sister Mary Jane. ‘I was just going to
send for you,’ said the Sister, benign but serious. ‘Come to my room,
Agnes. Sister Sarah Ann will take the children to tea.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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