Carlyle's laugh, and other surprisesHigginson, Thomas Wentworth
History
Carlyle's laugh, and other surprises
Higginson, Thomas Wentworth
American literature -- History and criticism; Authors, American
were so few real books that I could easily find one to read me all of
them.” Afterwards, when she regained her eyes, she read Shakespeare, and
thought to herself, “Why is any other book needed?”
She went on talking constantly and saying, in the midst of narrative,
things quaint and aphoristic. “Is it oblivion or absorption when things
pass from our minds?” “Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to
tell it.” “I find ecstasy in living; the mere sense of living is joy
enough.” When I asked her if she never felt any want of employment, not
going off the grounds and rarely seeing a visitor, she answered, “I never
thought of conceiving that I could ever have the slightest approach to
such a want in all future time”; and then added, after a pause, “I feel
that I have not expressed myself strongly enough,” although it seemed to
me that she had. She told me of her household occupations, that she made
all their bread, because her father liked only hers; then saying shyly,
“And people must have puddings,” this very timidly and suggestively, as
if they were meteors or comets. Interspersed with these confidences came
phrases so emphasized as to seem the very wantonness of over-statement,
as if she pleased herself with putting into words what the most
extravagant might possibly think without saying, as thus: “How do most
people live without any thoughts? There are many people in the world,—you
must have noticed them in the street,—how do they live? How do they
get strength to put on their clothes in the morning?” Or this crowning
extravaganza: “If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no
fire can ever warm me, I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if
the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the
only ways I know it. Is there any other way?”
I have tried to describe her just as she was, with the aid of notes taken
at the time; but this interview left our relation very much what it was
before;—on my side an interest that was strong and even affectionate, but
not based on any thorough comprehension; and on her side a hope, always
rather baffled, that I should afford some aid in solving her abstruse
problem of life.
The impression undoubtedly made on me was that of an excess of tension,
and of something abnormal. Perhaps in time I could have got beyond that
somewhat overstrained relation which not my will, but her needs, had
forced upon us. Certainly I should have been most glad to bring it down
to the level of simple truth and every-day comradeship; but it was not
altogether easy. She was much too enigmatical a being for me to solve in
an hour’s interview, and an instinct told me that the slightest attempt
at direct cross-examination would make her withdraw into her shell; I
could only sit still and watch, as one does in the woods; I must name my
bird without a gun, as recommended by Emerson.
After my visit came this letter:—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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