It is not strange that he rose and fell, to-day strong in the
conviction of the immanence of infinite good, to-morrow sunken in
mortal despair of ever demonstrating the truth of the ideas which were
swelling his shrunken mind. His line of progress in truth was an
undulating curve, slowly advancing toward the distant goal to which
Carmen seemed to move in a straight, undeviating line. What though
Emerson had said that Mind was "the only reality of which men and all
other natures are better or worse reflectors"? Josè was unaware of the
sage's mighty deduction. What though Plato had said that we move as
shadows in a world of ideas? Even if Josè had known of it, it had
meant nothing to him. What though the Transcendentalists called the
universe "a metaphore of the human mind"? Josè's thought was too
firmly clutched by his self-centered, material beliefs to grasp it.
Doubt of the reality of things material succumbed to the evidence of
the physical senses and the ridicule of his seminary preceptors. True,
he believed with Paul, that the "things that are seen are temporal;
the things that are unseen, are eternal." But this pregnant utterance
conveyed nothing more to him than a belief of a material heaven to
follow his exit from a world of matter. It had never occurred to him
that the world of matter might be the product of those same delusive
physical senses, through which he believed he gained his knowledge of
it. It is true that while in the seminary, and before, he had insisted
upon a more spiritual interpretation of the mission of Jesus--had
insisted that Christian priests should obey the Master's injunction,
and heal the sick as well as preach the gospel. But with the advent of
the troubles which filled the intervening years, these things had
gradually faded; and the mounting sun that dawned upon him six months
before, as he lay on the damp floor of his little cell in the
ecclesiastical dormitory in Cartagena, awaiting the Bishop's summons,
illumined only a shell, in which agnosticism sat enthroned upon a
stool of black despair.
Then Carmen entered his life. And her beautiful love, which enfolded
him like a garment, and her sublime faith, which moved before him like
the Bethlehem star to where the Christ-principle lay, were, little by
little, dissolving the mist and revealing the majesty of the great
God.
In assuming to teach the child, Josè early found that the outer world
meant nothing to her until he had purged it of its carnal elements.
Often in days past, when he had launched out upon the dramatic recital
of some important historical event, wherein crime and bloodshed had
shaped the incident, the girl would start hastily from her chair and
put her little hand over his mouth.
"Don't, Padre dear! It is not true!" she would exclaim. "God didn't do
it, and it isn't so!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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