Mary Speaker John Thinker Mary Thinker Maid Period, the present. Place, any American city. The Scene _represents two drawing rooms, exact duplicates, furnished alike to the smallest detail. Either room might be the reflection of the other in a mirror. Each occupies half of the stage. The division line between them is indicated, towards the hack of the stage, by two pianos, which sit hack to back at the center of the hack drop. This division is carried by the pianos a quarter or a third of the way towards the footlights. The division is further suggested, towards the front of the stage, hy a couple of settees or couches, which also sit back to back._ John Speaker and Mary Speaker _remain all the time in the room at the right of the stage. They are not aware of_ John Thinker _and_ Mary Thinker, _who are, throughout the play, in the room at the left. The_ Thinkers, _however, are aware of the_ Speakers. _In make-up, looks, dress, etc., the two_Johns _are precisely alike. The same is true of_ Mary Speaker and Mary Thinker. _The_ Johns _are conventional-looking, prosperous Americans of from 38 to 40 years of age. The two_ Marys _are a few years younger._ Cousin Fanny Hemlock _is a dried-up, querulous old woman of seventy._ _The Curtain, on rising, discovers the two_ Johns _and the two_ Marys. _It is between 7 and 8 in the evening; they are all in evening dress, and are preparing to go out, putting on their gloves, etc., etc._ John Speaker [_Picking up over coat._] Are you ready, Mary dear? Mary Speaker [_Holding out a gloved hand._] Quite, John dear. Button this for me, won't you, love? John Speaker [_Busy with glove._] It's been nearly a year, hasn't it, since we've been out together of an evening? I'm afraid Cousin Fanny is terribly trying on you at times, Mary. Mary Speaker You know, John, I don't consider her a trial. I _love_ Cousin Fanny. John Thinker [_Busy with Mary Thinker's glove._] The old cat's letting us off to-night, for a wonder, Mary. She's a horrible affliction! Mary Thinker [_Passionately._] Affliction is no word. She makes my life a living hell! I hate her! John Speaker [_Helping Mary Speaker on with coat, which action is simultaneously imitated hy John and Mary Thinker._] Well, we must bear with her gently, Mary. I am afraid poor Cousin Fanny will not be with us many more years. John Thinker [_To Mary Thinker._] One comfort is she'll die before long! Mary Speaker [_To John Speaker._] Oh, John, you don't think Cousin Fanny's going to die, do you? Mary Thinker [_To John Thinker._] Don't fool yourself about her dying soon, John. There's no such luck! [_Enter Maid through door in right back to John and Mary Speaker, who look up. John and Mary Thinker also notice entrance of Maid and listen._] Maid [_To Mary Speaker._] Miss Hemlock sent me to inquire whether you were going out to-night. Mary Thinker [_To John Thinker, quickly._] The old cat's up to something! Mary Speaker [_To Maid_.]