Americans -- Philippines -- Fiction; Short stories
And yet in this service, in this renunciation, Pedro did not find the
complete satisfaction that he craved. A heavy uneasiness was with him
always, in rest or work, in peace or peril; a dull irritation, an
obscure anguish that he could not fathom, but which each day became more
oppressive, more insistent. It was the smile of his caybigan. At night
he faced the distress of mental analysis, hour after hour, contemplating
fixedly that smile. In its presence a strange weakness, a subtle
debility, possessed him; to resist this he dwelt upon his past
achievements. He had been a great hunter of hill and water. At the deer
runs he was always leading _ginete_, galloped madly after the tremulous
game, hour after hour, over mountain, down precipice, till he had worn
it down, rode flank to flank with it and, seizing the moment, plunged
his long lance into the throbbing spot behind the shoulder. And once
when a _caiman_ had snatched his goat off the bank of the river, he had
plunged into the black pool; seeking the saurian into the oozy depths
where sullenly it lay like a rock upon its prey, he had twined about it
his big net and, springing back to the surface, with his friends had
triumphantly dragged it out to earth. Loud had been sung his praises
during the fiesta that followed, while the viscous thief, corralled with
bamboo poles, both eyes gouged out, died slowly beneath the sun, upon
the baking strand. Yes, he was a big man; even his caybigan, with hair
of gold and tinkling spurs, could he have done better? But before the
smile, malign there in the dark, all this, all these deeds, this valour
seemed bleached of colour and meaning. A heavy discouragement weighed
upon him.
One night, at last, he came to a conclusion. And it expressed itself in
one word, short and electric.
"Patay!" he said; "patay--kill!"
He would kill the smile.
He climbed down the bamboo ladder and, beneath the floor, went directly
to the big net, hanging from post to post. From one of the flaccid folds
he drew an object. In three leaps he was up again, and in the faint
light of his little tin lamp, for a while he acted like a child with a
doll. He crouched down, the thing upon his knee, spoke to it with
tender accent, stroked it with long, gentle caress. But it was not a
doll; it was a gun, a dainty Mauser carbine. It was oiled and polished,
and beautiful, but he spent two hours over it, cleaning, oiling,
snapping the delicate machinery. Then, with a sigh of satisfaction, he
went down again and laid the precious toy among the secretive folds of
the net.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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