seemed to be kept near to other beings, it found itself imprisoned in
the most dreadful loneliness--loneliness which no one in this world can
even imagine. Even the pain of solitary confinement, so it told me,
which drives men mad, is only like a shadow or type of this loneliness
of spirits. Others there might be, but it knew nothing of them--nothing
besides this great empty darkness everywhere, except the place it had
once lived in, and the people who were moving about it; and even those
it could only perceive dimly as if looking through a mist, and always so
unutterably away from them all. I am not giving its own words, you know,
George, because I cannot remember them. I am not certain it did speak
to me; the thoughts seemed to pass in some strange way into my mind; I
cannot explain how, for the still far-away voice did not really speak.
Sometimes, it told me, the loneliness became agony, and it longed for a
word or a sign from some other being, just as Dives longed for the drop
of cold water; and at such times it was able to make the living people
see it. But that, alas! was useless, for it only alarmed them so much
that the bravest and most benevolent rushed away in terror or would not
let it come near them. But still it went on showing itself to one after
another, always hoping that some one would take pity on it and speak to
it, for it felt that if comfort ever came to it, it must be through a
living soul, and it knew of none save those in this world and in this
place. And I said: 'Why did you not turn for help to God?'
"Then it gave a terrible answer: it said, 'What is God?'
"And when I heard these words there came over me a wild kind of pity,
such as I used to feel when I saw my little child struggling for breath
when he was ill, and I held out my arms to this poor lonely thing, but
it shrank back, crying:
"'Speak to me, but do not touch me, brave human creature. I am all
death, and if you come too near me the Death in me may kill the life in
you.'
"But I said: 'No Death can kill the life in me, even though it kill my
body. Dear fellow-spirit, I cannot tell you what I know; but let me take
you in my arms; rest for an instant on my heart, and perhaps I may make
you feel what I feel all around us.'
"And as I spoke I threw my arms around the shadowy form and strained it
to my breast. And I felt as if I were pressing to me only air, but air
colder than any ice, so that my heart seemed to stop beating, and I
could hardly breathe. But I still clasped it closer and closer, and as I
grew colder it seemed to grow less chill.
"And at last it spoke, and the whisper was not far away, but near. It
said:
"'It is enough; now I know what God is!'
"After that I remember nothing more, till I woke up and found myself
lying on the floor beside the bed. It was morning, and the spirit was
not there; but I have a strong feeling that I have been able to help
it, and that it will trouble you no more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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