He never could have married her--no, not when it came to the point. He
thought of the wedding-breakfast, the cake, the speeches, the
congratulations, and of the woman with whom he would have gone away,
of the honeymoon, of the bridal chamber! He knew now that he could not
have fulfilled the life of marriage. If those things had happened he
would have had to tell her--ah! when it was too late--that he was
mistaken, that he could not, in any real sense of the word, be her
husband. They could not have lived together. They would have had to
part. His life and hers would have been irretrievably ruined, and
then? John remembered the story of Abelard and Heloise. A new Abelard
--a new Heloise!
The romance of the idea interested him. Then returning suddenly to
reality, he asked himself what had happened to Kitty--what was the
cause of her madness? Something had occurred. Once again, as he
remembered the blithe innocence of her smiling eyes when they parted
on the hill, and he recalled with terror the trembling, forlorn, half-
crazy girl that had sat opposite him in the drawing-room next day. He
remembered the twitch of her lips, the averted eyes, and the look of
mad fear that had crept over her face, her flight from him, her cries
for help, and her desperate escape through the window. His thoughts
paused, and then, like a bolt from the blue, a thought fell into his
mind. 'No,' he cried, 'not that.' He tried to shake himself free from
the thought; it was not to be shaken off. That was the explanation. It
could only be that--ah! it was that, that, and nothing but that.
And as he viewed the delicate, elusive externality of the southern
town, he remembered that he had kissed her--he had kissed her by
force! 'My God! then the difference between us is only one of degree,
and the vilest humanity claims kinship of instinct with me!' He
clasped his hands across his eyes, and feeling himself on the brink
of madness, he cried out to God to save him; and he longed to speak
the words that would take him from the world. Life was not for him. He
had learnt his lesson. Thornby Place should soon be Thornby Abbey, and
in the divine consolation of religion John Norton hoped to find escape
from the ignominy of life.
AGNES LAHENS.
I.
A grey, winter morning filtered through lace curtains into drawing-
rooms typical of a fashionable London neighbourhood and a moderate
income. There was neither excess of porcelain, nor of small tables,
nor of screens. Two large vases hinted at some vulgarity of taste; a
grand piano in the back room suggested a love of music, and Mrs.
Lahens had but to sing a few notes to leave no doubt that she had
bestowed much care on the cultivation of her voice. But method only
disguised its cracks and thinness as powder and rouge did the fading
and withering of her skin. She was like her voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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