They abandoned themselves to the unbelievable romance. He, indeed, had
striven half-heartedly; but she, with all the strength of her nature,
had run gratefully, nay, clamantly, forward, exacting the reward of
her patience, demanding her due. She rejoiced in the casting aside of
shackles which, although she had resolutely ignored them in so far
as was possible, had always irked her by their latent presence. At
last she might gratify to the full her creed of living for and by the
beloved, in a world of beauty where the material was denied admittance.
In such a dream, such an ecstasy of solitude, they gained marvellously
in one another's eyes. She revealed to Julian the full extent of her
difference and singularity. For all their nearness in the human sense,
he received sometimes with a joyful terror the impression that he
was living in the companionship of a changeling, a being strayed by
accident from another plane. The small moralities and tendernesses
of mankind contained no meaning for her. They were burnt away by the
devastating flame of her own ideals. He knew now, irrefutably, that she
had lived her life withdrawn from all but external contact with her
surroundings.
Her sensuality, which betrayed itself even in the selection of the arts
she loved, had marked her out for human passion. He had observed her
instinct to deck herself for his pleasure; he had learnt the fastidious
refinement with which she surrounded her body. He had marked her
further instinct to turn the conduct of their love into a fine art.
She had taught him the value of her reserve, her evasions, and of her
sudden recklessness. He never discovered, and, no less epicurean than
she, never sought to discover, how far her principles were innate,
unconscious, or how far deliberate. They both tacitly esteemed the veil
of some slight mystery to soften the harshness of their self-revelation.
He dared not invoke the aid of unshrinking honesty to apportion the
values between their physical and their mental affinity.
What was it, this bond of flesh? so material, yet so imperative, so
compelling, as to become almost a spiritual, not a bodily, necessity?
so transitory, yet so recurrent? dying down like a flame, to revive
again? so unimportant, so grossly commonplace, yet creating so close
and tremulous an intimacy? this magic that drew together their hands
like fluttering butterflies in the hours of sunlight, and linked them
in the abandonment of mastery and surrender in the hours of night? that
swept aside the careful training, individual and hereditary, replacing
pride by another pride? this unique and mutual secret? this fallacious
yet fundamental and dominating bond? this force, hurling them together
with such cosmic power that within the circle of frail human entity
rushed furiously the tempest of an inexorable law of nature?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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