'I was so determined that I would be deceived by no woman, and like
every one else I have fallen into the trap. Because you were you, I
ceased to be on my guard. Oh, you never pretended to care for Aphros;
I grant you that honesty; but I wanted to delude myself and so I was
deluded. I told myself marvellous tales of your rarity; I thought you
were above even Aphros. I am punished for my weakness in bringing you
here. Why hadn't I the strength to remain solitary? I reproach myself;
I had not the right to expose my Islands to such a danger. But how
could I have known? how could I have known?'
'Clearly you no longer love me,' she said for the third time.
'Zapantiotis sold his soul for money--was it money you promised him?'
he went on. 'So easily--just for a little money! His soul, and all of
us, for money. Money, father's god; he's a wise man, father, to serve
the only remunerative god. Was it money you promised Zapantiotis?' he
shouted at her, seizing her by the arm, 'or was he, perhaps, like
Paul, in love with you? Did you perhaps promise him yourself? How am
I to know? There may still be depths in you--you woman--that I know
nothing about. Did you give yourself to Zapantiotis? Or is he coming
to-night for his reward? Did you mean to ship me off to Athens, you and
your accomplices, while you waited here in this room--_our_ room--for
your lover?'
'Julian!' she cried--he had forced her on to her knees--'you are saying
monstrous things.'
'You drive me to them,' he replied; 'when I think that while the troops
were landing you lay in my arms, here, knowing all the while that you
had betrayed me--I could believe anything of you. Monstrous things!
Do you know what monstrous things I am thinking? That you shall not
belong to Zapantiotis, but to me. Yes, to me. You destroy love, but
desire revives, without love; horrible, but sufficient. That's what I
am thinking. I dare say I could kiss you still, and forget. Come!'
He was beside himself.
'Your accusations are so outrageous,' she said, half-fainting, 'your
suggestions are obscene, Julian; I would rather you killed me at once.'
'Then answer me about Zapantiotis. How am I to know?' he repeated,
already slightly ashamed of his outburst, 'I'm readjusting my ideas.
Tell me the truth; I scarcely care.'
'Believe what you choose,' she replied, although he still held her,
terrified, on the ground at his feet, 'I have more pride than you
credit me with--too much to answer you.'
'It was money,' he said after a pause, releasing her. She stood up;
reaction overcame her, and she wept.
'Julian, that you should believe that of me! You cut me to the
quick--and I gave myself to you with such pride and gladness' she
added almost inaudibly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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