Changing Winds: A NovelErvine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
General
Changing Winds: A Novel
Ervine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
Fiction
chance to interpolate something into the monologue until hope began to
leave him, and then, with a great effort he had interrupted the flow of
Harper's vivid talk and had made a reference to a picture hanging on the
wall beside him. It showed a flaming fairy in the middle of a dark
wood....
"Oh, yes," Harper said, "that's the one I saw!"
"You saw?" Henry had exclaimed in astonishment.
And then he remembered that Harper spoke of fairies as intimately as
other men speak of their friends....
"Good God!" he thought, "_where am I?_" and wondered what Ninian Graham
would make of Ernest Harper.
Harper was an Ulsterman, and so was George Russell, whom people called
"A. E." Marsh and Galway, now almost inseparable, had taken Henry to
hear George Russell speaking on some mystical subject at the Hermetic
Club, and Henry, bewildered by the subject, had felt himself
irresistibly attracted to the fiery-eyed man who spoke with so little
consciousness of his audience. After the meeting was ended, he had
walked part of the way home with Russell and had listened to him as he
said the whole of his lecture over again ... and he left him with a
feeling that Russell was unaware of human presences, that the company of
human beings was not necessary to him, that his speech was addressed,
not to the visible audience or the visible companion, but to an audience
or a companion that no one but himself could see. Was there any one on
earth less like the typical Ulsterman than George Russell, who preached
mysticism and better business, or Ernest Harper who took penny tramrides
to pay visits to the fairies?
No, this theory of some inherent difference between Ulstermen and other
Irishmen would not work. There must be some other explanation of Henry's
dislike of crowds, his silence in large companies, his inability to
assert himself in the presence of strangers. Why was it that he was
unable to talk about himself and the things he had done and the things
he meant to do as Marsh talked? It was not because he was more modest,
had more humility, than Marsh; for in his heart, Henry was vain.... And
while he was asking himself this question, suddenly he found the answer.
It was because he was afraid to talk about himself, it was because he
had not got the courage to be vain and self-assertive in crowds. His
inability to talk among strangers, to make people cease their own
conversation in order to listen to him, was part of that cowardice that
had prevented him from diving into the sea when he went with his father
to swim at Cushendall and had sent him shivering into the shelter of
the hedge when the runaway horse came galloping down the Ballymena
road....
This swift, lightning revelation made him stand up in the carriage and
gape at the photographs of Irish scenery in front of him.
"Oh, my God!" he said to himself, "am I always to be tortured like
this?"
4
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