Changing Winds: A NovelErvine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
General
Changing Winds: A Novel
Ervine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
Fiction
He stayed in Dublin for a few weeks, gathering up old threads and
working on his novel; but the book made slow progress, and so, thinking
that if he were in a quieter, less social place, he could work more
quickly, he went home to Ballymartin, and here, soon after he arrived,
he received a letter from Roger, announcing that he intended to enter
the artillery almost at once. "_I can get a commission_," he wrote,
"_and so I shall go in. You said something about wanting to join at the
same time as me, but perhaps as you are going to be married to Mary
shortly, you'll want to wait until afterwards. If I were you I should
apply for a commission in an Irish regiment._"
He put the letter down abruptly. Ever since the death of Ninian, he had
felt convinced that the four friends were to be killed in battle.
Gilbert had been the first to join, and Gilbert was the first to be
killed. Then Ninian joined ... and Ninian died. Roger, too, would be
killed, and so would he, when he joined. The death of Gilbert had seemed
to him to be a casual thing, a tragic accident, but when Ninian had been
killed, it had seemed to him that here was no fortuity, that Gilbert and
Ninian had died inevitably, that Roger and he, when they went out, would
be unable to escape this destiny ... and everything that he had done
since Ninian's death had been done in that belief. He would finish a
book, he would marry Mary, he would settle his estate as best he could
... and then he would make the end that Gilbert and Ninian had made....
But now, as he put Roger's letter down, he had a swift, compelling
desire to dodge his destiny, to elude death, to alter the course of
things. Why should he die? Why should he yield himself up, his youth,
his work, his love, his hope of happiness and renown and honour ... to
this consuming thing! He could look to years of happiness with Mary,
years of work on his books, years of enjoyment of things won and earned
... and he was to give up all that promise and go to a bloody death in
war? Not every man who went was killed or even wounded ... one knew that
... but _he_ would be killed ... he knew that, he told himself, as well
as he knew that he was then alive. Sensitive-natured men, such as he,
were bound to be killed ... they had not the phlegm of men with blunter
natures ... they would not be able to keep still when stillness meant
safety ... their nerves would go, and in that hideous hell of noise and
battering, of men killing or being killed, his mind might be
destroyed....
That seemed to him to be the worst thing of all. He might not be killed
... he might be made mad....
"I can do other work," he said to himself. "I can work for Ireland. I
can try to make things friendlier here!..."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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