Changing Winds: A NovelErvine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
General
Changing Winds: A Novel
Ervine, St. John G. (St. John Greer)
Fiction
wings, until it came near the earth, when its song suddenly ceased and
it changed its flight and fell swiftly to its nest.
He rose up from the grass and walked over to the stream and dipped his
hands into it, splashing the water on to the grass beside him. The
sunlight shone on his hand and made the wet hairs shine like golden
threads....
5
He was kneeling there at the side of the stream, looking at the wet glow
of his hand when the fear of death came to him, and instantly he was
terrified when he thought that he might die. The consciousness of life
was in him and the desire to continue and to experience and to know were
quickening and increasing. It seemed to him then that if he were to die
at that moment, he would have been cheated of his inheritance, that he
would have a grievance against God for all eternity.... He moved away
from the brook and sank back into the grass, shaken and disconcerted.
Until that moment, he had never thought of death except as a vague,
inevitable thing that came to all creatures some time ... generally when
they were old and had lost the savour of life. He had never seen a dead
man or woman and he was unfamiliar with the rites of burial. He knew,
indeed, that people die before they grow old, that children die, but
until that moment, death had not become a personal thing, a thing that
might descend on _him_....
He shut his eyes and tried to dose the thought of death out of his mind,
but it would not go away. He began to sing disconnected staves of songs
in the hope that he would forget that he was mortal.... There was a song
that Bridget Fallon had taught him when he was a child, and now after
many years, he was singing it again:
There were three lords came out of Spain,
They came to court my daughter Jane.
My daughter Jane, she is too young,
And cannot bear your flatt'ring tongue.
So fare you well, make no delay,
But come again another day....
But the thought of death still lay heavy on his mind, and so he got up
and left the field and hurried along the road that led to Hamilton's
farm.
"Oh, my God," he cried to himself, "if I were to die now, just when I'm
beginning to know things!..."
He began to run, as if he would run away from his own thoughts. The torn
strips of clouds, that had looked like molten gold, were now darkening,
and their darkness seemed ominous to him. The steepness of the "loanie"
made him pant and presently he slackened his pace and slowed-down to
walking. His eyes felt hot and stiff in their sockets and when he put
his hand on his forehead, he felt that it was wet with sweat.
"I'm frightened," he said to himself. "Scared!..."
He wiped his forehead and then crumpled his handkerchief in his hot
palms.
"I'm rattled," he went on to himself. "That's what I am. Oh, my God, I
_am_ scared!..."
He looked about him helplessly. He could see a man tossing hay in a
field near by, and he watched the rhythmical movement of his fork as it
rose and fell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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