At this time Lamb's salary was six hundred pounds per annum. The amount of
two thirds of this sum, therefore, would be an annuity of four hundred
pounds. But an annual provision was also made for his sister, in case she
should survive him; and this occasioned a small diminution. In exact
figures, he was to receive three hundred and ninety-one pounds a year
during the remainder of his life, and then an annuity was to become
payable to Mary Lamb. His sensations, first of stupefaction, and
afterwards of measureless delight, will be seen by reference to his
exulting letters of this period. First he writes to Wordsworth of "the
good that has befallen me." These are his words: "I came home--forever--on
Tuesday last. The incomprehensibleness of my condition overwhelmed me. It
was like passing from Time into Eternity." * * * "Mary wakes every morning
with an obscure feeling that some good has happened to us."--To Bernard
Barton his words are, "I have scarce steadiness of head to compose a
letter. I am free, B. B.; free as air. I will live another fifty years."
* * * "Would I could sell you some of my leisure! Positively the best thing
a man can have to do is--NOTHING: and next to that, perhaps, Good Works."
--To Miss Hutchinson he writes, "I would not go back to my prison for seven
years longer for ten thousand pounds a year. For some days I was
staggered, and could not comprehend the magnitude of my deliverance--was
confused, giddy. But these giddy feelings have gone away, and my weather-
glass stands at a degree or two above 'CONTENT.' All being holidays, I
feel as if I had none; as they do in heaven, where 'tis all Red Letter
days."
Lamb's discharge or relief was timely and graciously bestowed. It opened a
bright vista through which he beheld (in hope) many years of enjoyment;
scenes in which his spirit, rescued from painful work, had only to disport
itself in endless delights. He had well earned his discharge. He had
labored without cessation for thirty-three years; had been diligent, and
trusted--a laborer worthy of his hire. And the consciousness of this long
and good service must have mingled with his reward and sweetened it. It is
a great thing to have earned your meal--your rest,--whatever may be the
payment in full for your deserts. You have not to force up gratitude from
oblivious depths, day by day, for undeserved bounty. In Lamb's case it
happened, unfortunately, that the activity of mind which had procured his
repose, tended afterwards to disqualify him from enjoying it. The leisure,
that he had once reckoned on so much, exceeded, when it came, the pains of
the old counting-house travail. It is only the imbecile, or those brought
up in complete lazihood, who can encounter successfully the monotony of
"nothing to do," and can slumber away their lives unharmed amongst the
dumb weeds and flowers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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