Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1800-1837 -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Political fiction
“It was not true?”
“True?” he exclaimed hotly. “True that I—that I——”
“Changed your mind?” she said with her face averted. “And not—not only
that, sir?”
“What else?” he asked bitterly.
“Talked of me—among your friends?”
“A lie! A miserable lie!” he cried on impulse, finding his tongue
again. “But I will tell you all. He saw you—that first morning, you
remember, and never having seen anyone so lovely, he intended to make
you the object of—of attentions that were unworthy of you. And to
protect you I told him that I was going—to make you my wife.”
“Is that what you mean to-day?” she asked faintly.
“Yes.”
“But you did not mean it then?” she answered—though very gently. “It
was to shield me you said it?”
He looked at her, astonished at her insight and her boldness. How
different, how very different was this from that to which he had looked
forward! At last, “I think I meant it,” he said gloomily. “God knows I
mean it now! But that evening,” he continued, seeing that she still
waited with averted face for the rest of his explanation, “he
challenged me at dinner before them all, and I,” he added jerkily, “I
was not quite sure what I meant—I had no mind that you should be made
the talk of the—of my friends——”
“And so—you denied it?” she said gently.
He hung his head. “Yes,” he said.
“I think I—I understand,” she answered unsteadily. “What I do not
understand is why you are here to-day. Why you have changed your mind
again. Why you are now willing that I should be—the talk of your
friends, sir.”
He stood, the picture of abasement. Must he acknowledge his doubts and
his hesitation, allow that he had been ashamed of her, admit that he
had deemed the marriage he now sought, a mésalliance? Must he open to
her eyes those hours of cowardly vacillation during which he had walked
the Clifton Woods weighing _I would_ against _I dare not?_ And do it in
face of that new dignity, that new aloofness which he recognised in her
and which made him doubt if he had an ally in her heart.
More, if he told her, would she understand? How should she, bred so
differently, understand how heavily the old name with its burden of
responsibilities, how heavily the past with its obligations to duty and
sacrifice, had weighed upon him! And if he told her and she did not
understand, what mercy had he to expect from her?
Still, for a moment he was on the point of telling her: and of telling
her also why he was now free to please himself, why, rid of the burden
with the inheritance, he could follow his heart. But the tale was long
and roundabout, she knew nothing of the Vermuydens, of their
importance, or his expectations, or what he had lost or what he had
gained. And it seemed simpler to throw himself on her mercy. “Because I
love you!” he said humbly. “I have nothing else to say.”
“And you are sure that you will not change your mind again?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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