Thus closes the Christmas portion of the Brown Diary:--its author, as customary on Saturday, dyeing his hair, before retiring to rest. But, somehow, that eventful evening, Brown could not repose in peace; he abused his best friends in sleep--dreaming the De Camps capable of decamping, after the bridal breakfast, with the dowry, across the sea--leaving Jemima and Angelina married vestals,--to make more money and fresh conquests in _Virginia_ or _Marryland_:--whither old Brown feels bound to follow, in his night shirt, but is incapacitated, being tied to the earth by a pigtail springing from the organs of amativeness, philoprogenitiveness, inhabitiveness, and adhesiveness! So exciting is Brown's dream, that he fancies the De Camps escaping--now, the banging door of the Albert fairly awakening the sleeper; who, on attempting to rise, finds the pillow really a fixture to the back of his head; which he tears away, in a rage, causing all the pleasing sensations that might be experienced on the removal of a tail by the roots. Brown rushes wildly to the window, opening the casement; and, upon looking into the pitch-dark night, he receives a blow from without, that causes him to stagger and reel backwards, falling to the floor, with a noise that makes Mrs. Brown rise in a fright, obtain a light, and severely reprimand her lord as a drunken fool--capable of any wild fancy! The naked truth stands thus:--Poor Brown has mistaken a bottle of gum for hair-dye, and a closet for the casement--bruising his forehead against the shelf; so, he creeps back to bed--there to lie, moralizing upon cause and effect!--Thinking, how trifling things, in themselves, may lead to disastrous consequences--reflecting upon the rival bottles:--one black--all deceit, the other white and trusty! "Be not precipitate, nor trust to appearances only, lest you be deceived!"--a maxim, Brown fears, he cannot apply to the Captain; for, never did he know less of a man, of whom he ought to have known more.