French fiction -- Translations into English; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
"Claude," said he to me, at last, "you are dreaming; you are beyond
life, my friend, in the realms of nightmare and delusion. You have
fever, delirium; your heart and your body both are sick. Amid your
sufferings, you no longer see the things of this earth as they are. You
give monstrous dimensions to gravel stones, you lessen the size of the
mountains; your horizon is the horizon of vertigo, peopled by terrifying
visions which are but shadows and reflections. I swear to you that your
senses and your soul deceive themselves, that you see, that you love,
what does not exist. My poor friend, I understand your disease, I even
know the cause of it. You were born for a world of purity, of honor; you
came to us without protection, without a guiding rule, your heart open,
your mind free; you took immense pride in believing in the power of your
tenderness, in the justice, the truth of your reasoning. Elsewhere, amid
worthy surroundings, you would have increased in dignity. Among us, your
virtues have hastened your fall. You have loved when you should have
hated; you have been gentle when you should have been cruel; you have
listened to your conscience and your heart when you should have listened
only to your pleasure and your interest. And this is why you are
infamous. The story is painful; you should consider yourself well
punished for your pride, which urged you to live in defiance of the
opinions of the crowd. To-day, your wound is bleeding, increased,
irritated, by your own hands which tear it. You have maintained in your
fall the impetuosity of your character: you desired to lose yourself
utterly as soon as you felt the tip of your foot enter into evil. Now,
you wallow, with holy horror, with the fury of bitter joy, in the
ignoble bed upon which you have thrown yourself. I know you, Claude: you
have been badly beaten, you do not wish to remain half conquered. Will
you permit me, the practical man, the man without a heart, to endeavor
to cure you by cauterizing your wound with a red hot iron?"
I made a gesture of impatience, opening my lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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